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About my first step experience. (self.mtf)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by IntensityLad to c/mtf
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Hey wonderful ladies, gents and everyone outside!

I wanted to ask if anyone else experienced something like this early on their feminising journey: I’ve recently finally shared my dramas/worries around my gender identity with my doctor (after who knows how long of the writing being on the wall and loud) and suddenly things are a bit easier, it feels like I can breathe a bit deeper, the internal strife is quieter. But within my consciousness i don’t think i feel any different? It’s almost like a silent subconscious side of me was trying to scream for years that something was wrong, and I’ve finally listened at least a bit so it’s stopped fighting me, although the “me” i experience doesn’t seem to care that much.

I ofc feel relieved (and terrified!) to have talked about it at all. But it feels deeper than that, and this deeper peace I’m experiencing is obvious to observe within myself. I’m planning to ask to speak to a specialist next appointment but that could be weeks or months away and I’d like to try to make some sense of it before then! Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who this topic would 100% be safe with, they’ve all shown at least yellow or orange flags of transphobia.

I’d love to hear any of your own stories or similar experiences. Also thank you for this community, i don’t think i would have opened up if it wasn’t for the tales and thoughts shared.

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[-] IntensityLad 6 points 3 weeks ago

Thanks for reading and sharing!

I can’t imagine opening up to someone that close to me, must have put my current feelings to shame!

Woah though about the feeling empty without it! Any advice if i start to experience it? I think it’s likely.

I must say i’m very excited but anxious to explore this further. So scared that this is the wrong thing, but that feeling of relief was so strong.

[-] Rose_Thorne@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 weeks ago

With the emptiness, self reflection and accepting that I had a hole to fill with positivity. I had lived so long with negative and repressive thoughts that it left a void. Reminding myself how happy I now felt, a place for the euphoria all these new experiences were bringing, positive thoughts towards myself and towards my new community. Even if you're struggling with it being a new experience, putting your thoughts, your words into helping other fledglings can be a very big, positive step for a lot of people, including yourself.

It can help solidify your own experiences in your mind, reinforce their feelings and your own, and act as a frequent reminder to yourself as to who you really are, especially on shaky/dysphoric/low days.

And trust me, a lot of us were scared we were doing the wrong thing. That it wasn't a good choice, that we just didn't know what we really wanted. There's a bit of advice that gets thrown around often in the trans community, that if you're spending this much time thinking about it, if you're putting in this much effort, you're most likely on the right track about yourself, and all that negativity is the self-doubt you've lived with for so long.

Find things that help you feel more you. It's different for everyone, in their own ways. A big thing for me is shaving my legs and then throwing on a pair of comfy leggings. I can't explain why, but the whole ritual and the feeling of smoothness and softness immediately reminds me that I made the right choice because I feel so feminine, and it feels like ME.

Finding those things that help bring out the euphoria, and beyond that the sense of self, are reinforcing. They help us find who we really are, this person who has spent our lives living below the surface, and create anchor points for us to look at and be reminded. It's also a form of self-love and care, something that I think a lot of us need. Loving yourself is accepting yourself.

[-] IntensityLad 2 points 3 weeks ago

That was beautiful! I’m going to think too much about that i wear pants all the time but have never shaved my legs. Did i not like shorts because they exposed my hairy legs?

Oddly enough when i tried some of those type of things (and drinking to dull the stress) i woke up very sore. I remembered that i did a lot of powerful muscle poses that evening? Embracing a feminine side actually made me more positive about my masculine side? What?

Anyways thank you again. Seeing the response here has been so wonderful.

this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2026
29 points (100.0% liked)

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