this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2025
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Chronic Illness
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This is a tough one because people being forgetful is often due to lack of attentiveness as well. Took me years to realize that my spouse isn't forgetful--he just doesn't really pay attention to begin with, even though he would say that he does.
Anyway, it's always better to just move on and not make a big deal out of it regardless.
I had a friend who was like this. I eventually learned that it was useful to get her to repeat back/paraphrase what I said when it was something important. I first did it when I was extremely annoyed when her inattentiveness caused us both a lot of unnecessary stress. I snapped and spoke to her quite harshly — I recall saying something like "do I need to ask you to repeat back what I've told you, like you're a child?". Man, I'm cringing just writing that, because whilst my anger was justified, speaking to her like that was out of line.
I later apologised to her for this, which she forgave me for, but she went onto say that getting her to repeat stuff back when it's important might actually be useful (as long as I wasn't an asshole again). It felt awkward to do at first, but it ended up being a really useful strategy that helped us work together better.
Though this was only for important stuff. The vast majority of the time, it was wisest to just accept it and move on. I had to learn to not take things personally, and that giving her flack for it wouldn't actually help.
I'm laughing bc I've been there on the other side 😂 I have organic brain damage in memory and focus areas, and I think finally after two years my partner realizes I literally don't remember conversations word for word, just the feeling and tone, then the info gets sucked up into my subconscious to be spit back out at occasionally the right times. He asks me to repeat back what I just said and I can't.
Thank you for making the effort to not be an asshole about it, your friend appreciates it more than you know.