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this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2025
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So don’t be subtle.
So now you arw putting the pressure on other people to stop you from bothering them insteas of not just bothering them. Not to mention the other person will have no idea how you will take the rejection, what your intentions are and so on.
Seems pretty selfish to put them in that position.
I’m not trying to get into the “how to disengage from a stranger” conversation, but your assessment of people interacting in public seems to be predicated with an assumption that they dont understand people.
You have made some additional bad assumptions about how you think the interactions I’m proposing should go, and how and when they should stop.
The good news is that this hostility toward the world that you seem to set on projecting from these comments is usually pretty obvious, so I probably wouldn’t have bothered.
Just put your headphones on and your hoodie up so you can get back to arguing with strangers on the internet, and continue your transit in misery.
It wouldn't cost you anything not to bother others, especially in situations where they can't leave. I'm sure your intentions are good (even though other's can't know that) but you will be making a lot of people uncomfortable in your attempt to connect with them. There's better places for that than public transit or a plane. That's all.
Also doesn’t cost anything to bring some joy, or if not joy, at least novelty, into people’s lives.
I think you dramatically overestimate how many people are made uncomfortable due to your own anxieties about it. I also think you’re missing out on little opportunities for joy in your life.
I can keep posting links, but it’s pretty clear you’re not reading them. (ETA: they might have been in other threads)
There are also plenty of worse ones.
But you won't know if it will bring them joy or not. But you push ahead, even in situations where people are stuck. It just feels self-serving.
That’s true. Hard to predict the future.
I’d say it’s a lot more likely that joy or anxiety are the outlier cases, and just a kind of indifference, with a positive tone, is the baseline.
And now we’re back to bad assumptions and straw men.
Fine fine, one more link.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0037323
Non-paywall summary: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/744267015/want-to-feel-happier-today-try-talking-to-a-stranger
Did you not earlier say how you initiate conversations with people even on planes? It's a situation where people can't leave.
Yes. What is your point?
I'm sorry but I don't understand what the bad assumption and straw man is when you yourself said that you're "the guy who takes a shot at a random conversation on the plane"
These two words completely mischaracterize the situation.
Guessing you haven’t bothered with the links I posted, since you haven’t spoken to them and continue to just try to find ways to pick at some point that I’m not trying to make, but I encourage you to take a few minutes to read them with an open mind.
But you know there's a chance that they're bothered by you, that they're stuck in the situation and you still carry on with trying to connect with them. What wording would you use for the situation?
I like to think of it as giving people an opening.
Make a comment or two that invites discussion. If it takes, great. Maybe chat for a minute, maybe for a while.
If not, oh well, better luck next time.
Wo is interested and who is not is extremely easy to discern, in my opinion. The fact that you clearly think otherwise is not surprising, but I do think it’s easier than you give it credit for.
A lot of people pretend so as not to seem rude. Also you never know how the other person will react otherwise.
I know you find enjoyment in it, I'm just saying that planes and such places where people are stuck with you are pretty risky.
And I will respectfully point out that you seem to be arguing entirely from vibes and anecdotes.
You agreed that you never know how the situation goes. And I'm guessing we agree that people are stuck in planes. So why risk it, if you're going to potentially be making the situation suck for the other person, I'm wondering
Because there’s almost no risk involved.
Answers to this question, and more, are provided in some of the links provided.
The chances of making “the situation suck” are exceedingly small. The chances it “goes well” are quite high. A couple friendly words between strangers. A story to tell later.
Of particular note
You seem to completely discount this possibility, while simultaneously overblowing the risk.
It just seems a bit selfish to try and "connect" in a sotuation where they can't leave. I get that it is your thing but at least on a plane it would be bettee to just chill for the duration of it. After all nothing negative about that, they might try to connect with you if they're up for it
There may be a selfish component to it. Doesn’t make it a selfish act.
It’s my thing after I read a few of these papers (you can find the links, and read them if you like, they’re in my other comments) and started giving it a shot.
Yes, you have made it very clear that for you, you believe that this is the case.
The data show that a lot of people feel this way before they try it, but are pleasantly surprised after.
Nothing negative about what? “Being chill?” I think you’ll find that I’m pretty chill.
You seem to think I’m nagging them for the duration, but as I’ve explained, it’s really more of creating an opening.
You won't cause anything negative by just chilling during the flight. Meanwhile, by trying to connect, you might make someone's travel worse. So if you value the fellow passengers, best move is not to risk it, at least not on the plane. Otherwise you're just gambling with their mood, which seems a bit shitty.
There’s a lot of big assumptions built into how you think about risk if the only possible outcomes you can conceive of are negative.
Oh yes the plane. Because of the implication, right?
I just feel bad that your outlook is so sad for all of this.
Well you won't negatively affect them by not interacting with them. They are still free to talk to you, after all. The implication is a good one because they don't know what sort of creep or angry person you might be and how you would react to rejection. You're almost insisting on talking to the people on a situation you know might negatively affect them and where they are stuck in the situation and that just seems odd.
I feel like you’re just reiterating your last comment as though you didn’t read mine.
Are you sure?
Sorry. I misread your comment as “people on their phones”.
Then deleted my incorrect reply. I did this before you replied with this sweet gotcha.
I see. To me it seemed like you might have forgot what you said earlier
👍