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Charisma
(gregtech.eu)
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this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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I will say that apologies without the intent to change behavior suck. They're there to politely admit that you recognize you made a mistake, and that you're going to try to not repeat it. If you don't have the last part then it's useless. However, with the last part, they're one of the things that take the most strength for a person to do.
Eh, they can also exist to politely acknowledge that the other person's feelings were hurt, but not to admit wrongdoing ("I'm sorry you feel X"). That's something, but generally not what the other person is looking for.
“I’m sorry you feel that way” is pretty much just a lie though, isn’t it?
It can be a genuine display of empathy, or it could be totally dismissive. My point is that saying "sorry" doesn't need to be an admission of guilt, but it does need to show that you care about the other person's feelings.
I am forced to disagree with the first point of your assessment.
empathy
[em-puh-thee]
Phonetic (Standard)IPA
noun
Even if someone were actually sorry about how another person feels, that is very different from psychological identification with how the other person feels, or vicariously experiencing what the other person feels. At best, “I’m sorry you feel that way” is an expression of pity and/or condescension.
Again, that comes down to how it's communicated. For example, of someone's parent dies, dropping by to say, "I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I've been there and know how much it sucks. If you'd like to talk, I'm always available."
That takes the form of an apology, while not apologizing for anything and instead recognizing, validating, and offering help with their feelings.
That's obviously and extreme example, but I think it demonstrates my point.
Another more realistic example in a relationship would be someone getting frustrated about their partner's busy work schedule. "I'm sorry that I'm not around as much as you'd like, and please understand that I also miss you when I'm gone. I also really enjoy my work, and this is the balance that gives me the most time with you without shirking my responsibilities at work."
It's not an apology then is it ?
I’m sorry you feel that way
I hear what you're saying.
No, but it sounds like one.