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Not stealing
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this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2025
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I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience... Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.
I can't count how often I read and heard the advice to "just present your kid with two options to choose from".
My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.
"Do you want this hat or this cap?" "Neither"
"Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?" "I want... a green... dress" we don't even have a green dress.
"Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?" "I want to go on the trampoline" .
The problem with parenting advice is every kid is different. This becomes clear after raised a gaggle of them. Anyone with one child that is giving advice is clueless.
My suggestion is not to give that type of child options. Tell them what's happening. Then do it. May that not work any better and ignores why you may have started giving them choices.
You didn't specify an age but typically choices are best for later development. Toddlers are terrorists and one should never negotiate with a terrorist.
To respond to your firat paragraph: This episode of Bluey helped me understand as a first time parent. Though this is less about personality and more about development. The mom with 9 or whatever kids really puts things into perspective.
It's funny because my own kid is literally Bluey. Super quick to do everything else, refuses to walk.
Your second and third paragraph: thank you for the advice, I'm anticipating that mine will become a terrorist. Already has learned to cry when told no, despite the fact that we've never caved in to it.
So true. I have two and they’re complete opposites. Every single thing that one is easy about the other is hard. I thought that the second would be easier because I learned some things from the first, but every lesson was useless.
I know this sounds very "duh" but I had an epiphany when I realized that the reason I hated advice and tips for parenting was that I didn't see my kid as a child, I saw her as a person. And just like I would be offended if my partner took some rando's advice on "women" to deal with me, I get subconsciously defensive when my daughter is treated like a kid that comes with a handbook. There are 5 ticks for this behavior in this age and one of them will work. Fuck that. It doesn't and it doesn't need to and it shouldn't be expected to. She's an individual, there is no manual for that.
She's turning 4 soon btw - and I love her to bits with her chaotic insanity. I feel as if it's not like she doesn't fit into a box or likes to think outside the box - she just dismantles the box, it is non-existent to her. She is actually very social, popular and follows rules well in kindergarten. Despite her answer to that theory of mind question about where the doll is being "there's multiple dolls" which spins into a Lynchian tale about parallel dolls
Yep. My Wife and I raised 4 Daughters. Each one was their own type of terror and mayhem and need to be handled differently. No toddler needs to have a choice in anything. Their minds aren't ready for that. But by the time they hit 4 or 5, they can handle limited choices pretty well. And they only get better after that.
Yeah the first time I tried the two options for clothes on my then-two year old, he snatched both options out of my hands, threw them on the ground, and screamed NO CLOTHES
I present two options. If my kid doesn't pick one of those two options, either by not responding or by requesting a third thing, I'm picking one of the two options for him. And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
So parents can be assholes too.
I'm not a total asshole: After he's had his "oh shit" moment I give him one more chance to choose. He's usually a lot better at picking one of the two options on his second try.
Bonus points for finally settling for one of the options, only to throw a tantrum afterwards, that the other option was the preferred one.