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Contra A Review Of Dating Men In The Bay Area
(thingofthings.substack.com)
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this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2025
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WomensStuff
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220 users here now
Women only trans inclusive This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you're here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we've got you covered.
Rules…
- Women only… trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women's community is a good fit for them.
- Don’t be a dick. No personal attacks, no aggression, play nice.
- Don’t hate on groups, hatefilled talk about groups is not allowed. Ever.
- No governmental politics, so no talk of Trump actions etc. We recommend Feminism@beehaw.org for that, but here is an escape from it.
- New accounts or users with few comments may have their posts removed to prevent spam and bad-faith participation.
founded 5 months ago
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Join any of the 99.44% of other Lemmy groups where men are freely allowed to talk (and where they make fine use of that freedom) and talk to them then.
How hard was that?
Oh, right. It fucking wasn't.
It's not a question for me of "I don't like the community so might as well block it." Rather, I think it's simply unethical to have spaces where we talk about people and ban them from responding based purely on their demographic rather than their opinions or character.
One of my favourite comics is that sea lion comic, and I still haven't decided whether I sympathize more with the sea lion or with the humans.
Anyway, I think the worst action I could do would be to simply ignore this community, rather than constructively participate in it. I'm not breaking any rules here.
Women are pushed out of many online spaces where they are the subject of discussion. If online spaces were egalitarian, I would agree with you on principle, but they aren't and discussing men without allowing them to reply is not unreasonable given the predominant culture.
Men are not hard done by when it comes to places in which to be involved in online discussions.
There's a difference though. Women are not generally literally banned from online spaces, not any spaces I am aware of anyway. The spaces you're talking about may be hostile or misogynistic or otherwise unwelcoming to women, or might have emergent behavior that causes women's perspectives to be de-emphasized, but not "we literally don't allow women to post here."
Compassionate Fucking Buddha!
We get it. You disagree with the very reason for this group's existence.
GO THE FUCK ELSEWHERE!
It really is that simple.
GO THE FUCK ELSEWHERE!
This group isn't to your taste. GO THE FUCK TO A GROUP THAT IS TO YOUR TASTES!
You're speaking like you didn't intentionally read an entire comment chain that started with a now-deleted comment of someone mentioning we should "break down barriers" between men and women, and then complain at me for just pointing out the irony of saying that in a woman-only sub. I didn't bring this topic up ado of nothing and nobody forced you to read any of that.
He deleted it himself
What is the difference between an unwritten rule and a written rule if the effect is the same?
If anything the written rule is more fair, men here are asked not to post again and subsequently have posts removed. In other places, women are not simply asked not to post - they are harassed, brigaded, insulted, and threatened with murder and rape.
The effect is not the same. There is not even an unwritten rule to kick women out of the community. Women simply don't enjoy being in those spaces and generally leave voluntarily. Not everyone does though. There are women on 4chan, in gaming spaces, and all manner of generally-masculine-leaning spaces.
Please point me to a Lemmy community where women are asked not to post, brigaded, insulted, threatened with murder and rape. I have never been threatened with murder and rape for being a woman on lemmy. Granted, I have seen lemmites volley heinous insults and probably-not-actually-credible death threats over fairly minor political disagreements.
So, because it hasn't happened to you it doesn't exist?
I lurk on Lemmy 99.99% of the time because of previous experiences, this is my 5th username because when I first came over from Reddit I tried having the same attitude of getting stuck in to fun banter (which on Reddit did get me rape threats when I dared to post my honest opinion, but at that point I rolled with it), and several times I had men pick arguments with me over inane things which didn't seem to be a problem for men to talk about, especially on sh.it just.works
It's sucked the life out of my online involvement bit by bit, and this community is one of very few where I usually enjoy having conversations - something I credit with the ban on men posting.
I appreciate your zeal for egalitarianism however, there are many historical and extant groups and clubs that quite literally ban the inclusion of women. I don't know if they have online counterparts, but I do know they exist and operate in the real world. If an IRL group or club can ban access to women, why is it so odd to have an online forum that restricts access to men?
If we're speaking of online only spaces, there are plenty of groups across the span of social media that are locked/private/require application to join or participate, I don't really see a difference. A local community Facebook page allows non members to see posts but subsequent comment discussions or the ability to post is banned for anyone who isn't a member. An ex partner of mine ran several servers for online gaming that banned or removed any women players for reasons too stupid to go into here (I was 19 and very lost). This space just uses mods instead of an application process to achieve the same.
(Many thanks to all the mods here btw, your efforts and dedication are much appreciated!)