So, I'm going to be the best man in my friend's wedding. I'm very flattered to have the honor. He's one of my closest friends, and I have no problem supporting him as his best man/best trans.
Furthermore, I'm out to him, and he has made it clear that he wants me to show up in whatever way makes me the most comfortable. I've picked out a dress, started taking voice lessons, and plan on getting my hair and makeup done professionally.
I don't feel dysphoric at all about filling a traditionally male role, but...
How the fuck do I write a speech? A lot of best men seem to give speeches that joke about their 'bromance' with the groom and all that, which I find to be wholly inappropriate in my scenario.
My first thought was poking fun at picking a woman for best man, but some of his family are transphobic and I don't want to rely on gender humor out of fear that they stew in their transphobia and say something to ruin his wedding. Then I thought maybe I could crack a joke or two about being trans - but I also don't want to lean into the self-deprecation so much that I validate anyone's transphobia.
So, how do I even approach this?
I was thinking I could open with, "When the groom asked me to be his best man, I said, 'sit down, there's something you should know.'"
Maybe I'm overthinking it, but this is a friend who has been there for me in the past. I want to fill my role in his wedding perfectly. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.
I ran a dj business for about 15 years until covid and the sucky state of music killed the interest in it for me. We did hundreds of weddings.
The most memorable best man/maid of honor speeches were the ones where the speaker showed genuine love for the couple, shared a memory of them/with them, and delivered the speech from the heart, not from a piece of paper. They didn't make it about themselves. They didn't do a "roast" either. Those are tacky.
Honor your friend and his wife (often she's had a vision of this day instilled in her from early childhood) by focusing on them.
Ooh, I appreciate any advice from a veteran best man speech listener.
If I could ask, have you ever seen anything similar to the scenario I presented? I suppose I'm mainly just feeling awkward in my role and wanting to tap into some experience that closer fits my situation.
Not exactly, no, but I have seen several women as 'best friends' in the role, and they ran the range of confident jokemasters to nervous public speakers.
My advice is 1) to make sure to ask the dj how to best hold the mic so people can hear you 2) rest assured that the groom chose you for the role - he has the confidence in you - rely on that to help boost yours 3) prepare so you can relax - don't overthink it past that!
I appreciate your anxiety is in part coming from you feeling you're different from the norm bestman wise but I've done a few and you wouldn't believe how many people in the crowd will have your back.
I would hope even transphobs put aside their silly prejudices and recognise that supporting you, the groom and wife.
Believe in yourself and smash it out of the park