1016
on the male loneliness epidemic
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Show transcript
Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
Unfortunately, in addition to being discouraged from camaraderie and bonding, many boys and young men are also discouraged from ever developing the emotional security needed to see, or outwardly acknowledge that they are lonely and suffering from their lack of connections to others beyond sex.
They are instead taught that any form of vulnerability (like acknowledging their unmet need for connection) is weakness they should be ashamed of because it's unbecoming of a man
We really do men and boys a huge disservice :(. Sometimes you hear the idea that we should "teach men not to rape, rather than teach women to protect themselves", but I've never heard anyone talk about how in practice what that would look like, is raising emotionally healthy and secure, interpersonally competent boys, who are equipped to handle difficult emotional situations and the hormones that will show up as teenagers.
Not everything comes down to how men are taught. These men made bad decisions for their cultural and interpersonal growth, and until they stop making those bad decisions, they're unfuckable, and that's good.
There being causes for someone's cruelty doesn't change their responsibility for it, but understanding those causes is vital if you wish to do anything about the fact that it is a persistent societal issue.
I don't think ill socialized, emotionally unwell, harmful people should be fuckable, I think that we need to recognize that they are ill socialized, and emotionally unwell, if we'd like there to be fewer harmful people in the future.
I don't have any problem recognizing that, my solution is to tell them they made bad decisions and need to man up.