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this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2025
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So the other stuff is clearly wrong and gross, but I'm confused by the "only two sexes" comment. Gender being a spectrum makes sense but I always thought we all pretty much agreed that biological sex was a binary function in humans. Sure there are genetic disorders that create exceptions, but aren't those exceptions that prove the rule instead of break it?
This is a genuine question. I'm a computer guy not a biology guy.
I don't think that the problem is saying that there are "two sexes." The problem is that many people who say that tend to assign a specific gender or stereotype to that sex. In other words, what they really mean is that "men are supposed to be one way and women are supposed to be another," with the implication that someone isn't a real man or women if they are not that stereotype. That notion dismisses the reality for people who do not conform to those stereotypes. Trans people are the most obvious expression of gender fluidity, but I think most people don't conform to society's rigid standards. They just hide behind a mask, and if they are lucky, express it in the bedroom with a trusted partner.
But, as someone who does not fit gender stereotypes, I can say that there are only four anatomical configurations that people are born with: female genitalia (vagina), male genitalia (penis), both male and female genitalia (vagina and a penis) and no sexual genitalia. Most people are the first two. It also should be noted that a person can have surgery to alter this, and that babies born with both genitalia usually have surgery shortly after birth so they only have one, not both.
So a lot of the reaction to that statement is what people are reading between the lines, and not those specific words themselves.
I think what they often imply is that for them gender is just a way to refer to male and female sex, and not really a stereotype. If someone is female/male then in their eyes they are a woman/man regardless of what they look or how they behave, because it's not about social stereotypes for them. Even if a man looks and behaves like a stereotypical woman, it would not stop being "a real man" because for them gender isn't about looks, behavior or feelings of identity.
However, the trans community sees gender as something that relates to what stereotype (social construct) a person identifies with, and this makes gender independent of sex, because you can identify with a gender stereotype that does not match the stereotype that you might typically associate with your biological sex.
I don't think "identifying with social stereotypes" is really an accurate representation of what being trans is.
Sure, there are some people who transition and identify as stereotypical members of their desired gender, but there are also people who transition and are gender nonconforming after their transition, but still identify as binary trans.
Identifying with social stereotypes also doesn't account for physical dysphoria, which is very real for a lot of trans folks. Some trans folks change little about their presentation when they transition but still want hormones and/or surgery.
What I said is that for a trans, "gender relates to what stereotype (social construct) a person identifies with". I did not say their gender matches a particular stereotype, but that it relates to it.
Someone who does not identify with a typical stereotype and believes that this makes them be of a different gender, is defining their gender based on whether they fit (or don't fit, in this case) a specific social stereotype.
However, someone who does not believe gender relates to stereotypes at all would not see that person as having a different gender because that person's gender (for those people) would be unrelated to whether they match (or identify themselves with) a stereotype or not.
Yeah, no, that's not how being trans works.
I don't believe that gender relates to stereotypes.
I'm a trans woman. I don't "get" femininity, and to me, when I perform it, it feels like a performance. It has zero to do with my understanding of my own gender.
I'm still very much trans.
I think your take is reductive. Gender isn't about stereotypes. I'm sure that for many trans people, part of their trans discovery was not feeling like a stereotypical member of their sex, but there's more to it than that. You can say that gender relates to a lot of things. Gender is ultimately an internal experience that means different things to different people, and isn't necessarily related to identifying or not identifying with any given stereotype.
Bioessentialism in turn reduces people to genitals, and sort of refuses to address intersex people because something something "outliers don't count". At best it says sure, you can dress up however you want, but it's super important that everyone know What You Really Are so they can put you in a box and appropriately segregate society.
And there are also people like me. I am feminine and have male anatomy. I don't feel the need to have surgery to conform to other people's gender stereotypes. I am a feminine man. People just have to deal with the fact that not everyone conforms to society's stereotypes. And, while I respect other people's right to alter their bodies how they see fit, I don't think I should change my body just because someone says men aren't supposed to be feminine.
@Melmi
What do you mean by that? Wouldn't that mean you were born with female sexual equipment and act like a stereotypical female? I thought that was CIS. Or are you referring to someone who had surgery to change their sex?
I'm a trans woman. Before I transitioned, I wasn't feminine. I never experimented with family members makeup or borrowed their clothing. Even now, 8 years after coming out and transitioning, I'm still not feminine. No one looked at me after I came out and said "Oh, it all makes sense now". I don't wear makeup, I don't have my ears pierced, I'm loud, argumentative and competitive. I ride an illegally overpowered fat tyred monster bike, and I'm happiest in a tshirt and jeans.
Yet I'm still very much a woman and very much trans.
Of course, many trans folk do embrace gender stereotypes, but you need to understand, that is "after the fact". For some folk, it's simply a matter of protection and ensuring that their gender doesn't get denied them by society. For others, it's a source of joy, being able to embrace something that they were not able to explore earlier in their lives. And for others, it is inherently tied to how they experience their gender.
But for all of us, it is not our gender, even if it is strongly connected.
Of course you (or anyone) don 't need to have surgery to conform to other people’s gender stereotypes. But I don't think that's what was implied here.
What's "feminine"? is that not a gender stereotype? I don't think there's anything wrong about being a man that closer fits a feminine stereotype than a masculine one.
I'm not sure who "they" are in your sentences, but I personally consider myself a male because I have male equipment. I could have surgery and change that, but I didn't. It has nothing to do with my identity, personality, sexuality, self-view, demeanor, philosophy, or anything else. I was born with a certain anatomy and I'm okay with that. I don't fit gender stereotypes, and that took longer to get comfortable with especially with the bullying in my youth. But I've come to terms with that too.
Other people have their own experiences and situations, so what feels right for me may not feel right for someone else. If they want to alter themselves and change their configuration, they are welcome to do so. I'm just describing my personal experience which may be different than other people's.
I say "feminine" for lack of a better word. I'm not trying to be a "woman" and don't wear women's clothes but my default personality traits, preferences, and demeanor are closer to that end of the spectrum, what most people consider feminine and what most people think of as not masculine. I'm also capable of being more assertive, but that was a learned skill and not my default way of being. In the end, I'm me, whatever you want to define that. I'm not trying to be something else. The word "feminine" is used to give people a reference point, not used to define me.