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I unironically would go to this
(slrpnk.net)
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this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2025
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Or how they used to do it in the old days: pay a dozen or so soot-smudged orphan kids to dart back and forth throughout the performance with the script printed on signs, keeping time with the action on the stage. Might lose a few to milk-leg or dropsy but these were the mud times so at least they're not dodging industrial machinery through a cloud of mercury and asbestos.