3
21F with 22M Long Distance 7 hour drive (lemm.ee)
submitted 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) by canadianchik@lemm.ee to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
3 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hello,

So I’m with this guy for the past 4 ish months now, he’s so sweet and the best guy I’ve ever met. I usually don’t fall / catch feelings because I’m so traumatized of my past with my ex and male figures in my life but I fell so hard for him. We both really like each and want to make it work. We spoke two days ago in person (he was visiting for work) and he felt bad because he mentioned he might not be able to offer me as much attention and time being so far and with his work but I told him it’s okay. Hes only gone for 11 months but i really want to make this work but I’m so scared of being hurt.

I know this is toxic but sometimes I do look through his following list and I saw he liked this girls posts but I don’t care. He was following this girl who post thirst pics or whatever but I actually told him about it and how I felt and he was so caring and understanding and he unfollowed. I wouldn’t want someone liking a girls picture and I wouldn’t do the same (I guess that’s just a boundary of mine).. after I saw the other post which was literally just a girl posing nothing bad no cleavage nothing, I’m not sure why I got upset. I didn’t tell him but I did tell him that it will be a boundary of mine to like opposite genders posts unless it’s like celebrating or something good and he agreed, he also stated he wouldn’t want me liking a guys post. I don’t see a point to it. So that’s out the way and sorted. Part of me is still worried, I know I’m being dramatic but I’m not sure why it makes me sick to my stomach when I see stuff like that. I am a bit insecure yeah and I’m working on it but my ex used to tell me he would watch girls twerking and compare me to them to my face so I feel like I’ve always been compared my whole life. I told him this and he understood me 100%. He’s the best and I don’t want to lose him.

Ok anyways my main concern is how lonely I will be. I feel depressed pretty often but I try to hide it and I do a good job, I like to make people laugh and I seem like a bubbly person when I’m around you but sometimes I just feel really alone. It is really really hard when I like him so much and we won’t be seeing each other for 6 or more weeks, it hurts so much. He left yesterday and I’m already hurting and thinking of how I will kill time. I am in school but my schedule is still not that busy. I have attachment anxiety too and I’m always worried someone will get bored/leave me. He knows this. He’s very respectful and caring. We both care a lot for each other which is why I need to fix my shit because I don’t want to ruin anything. I am sad when he’s gone but I’d also be sad if he’s gone forever. How do I work through my insecurities/fear and be stable without being able to see him often? I really need advice. I only have one main friend I don’t hang out with anyone else so that’s why I feel a bit lonely :/

I just want to know how I can get over this caring about social media because I hate it. I know it doesn’t mean anything but I need to know how to stop this cycle too.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] DistressedDad@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 hours ago

Hi Stranger. At 21, this is a great opportunity for you to work on yourself and learn to pull yourself together. Work on your confidence. You don't need a boy to make you feel seen and respected. Become strong, independent, follow your interests and join clubs or sports teams. Explore your community and join a committee. You'll soon realize that you are incredible on your own and that you deserve better than a long distance relationship with limited contact. Good luck!

[-] canadianchik@lemm.ee 2 points 11 hours ago

I want and will try this. I want him too. I want to make it work. He’s a great guy and I’m willing to wait I don’t mind but it would be so much easier if I did these things and was more confident with myself and had more supportive friends around me but it’s hard :/

this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2025
3 points (100.0% liked)

Relationship Advice

2715 readers
25 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
kadup@lemmy.world