Yeah unfortunately for MI5 the reintroduction of red kites across much of the UK has rendered them less effective with attacks being common. They also mostly use the BBC Radio 4 longwave transmitter to navigate and that’s being shut down next year along with the rest of the BBC’s AM output so they’re developing an alternative called SEAGULL: Self-Extracting Audio Guided by Ultra-Light Links where residential and commercial WiFi networks are hijacked to guide the mechanical avians instead of the centralised transmitter system. This system has its detractors however and occasionally they’ve locked onto train WiFi and immediately failed.

They were originally going to use mechanical geese for this task but political interference meant that seagulls were used instead so that the rapid decline of the fish and chip industry isn’t blamed on Tory economic policy. Unfortunately people are rightly suspicious of seagulls and this has thus far limited the success of operation SEAGULL. The authorities are hoping that operation ‘drop several hundred kilograms of LSD into a reservoir on the basis it’s not even the worst pollution Thames Water are up to that day’ will improve matters.

Well, I’m here for the fanfic about British intelligence gathering devices.