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It's on the short list of next steps, but the (legal) trial is the next state over. So I get to try magic magnets and homeopathic ketamine first. Wheeeee.
shrooms worked wonders for me, 1 dose set me good for years.
Nice! I'm kind of wondering what kinds of effects any of this will have on me. They can't cure material circumstances. So are they just going to let me see more clearly how utterly fucked I am? Expose some novel pathway for running away? It's hard to imagine feeling anything but objectively depressed and/or rage.
TMS and ketamine work by increasing neuroplasticity. Your provider should tell you: the day of and after treatment, avoid things that are stressful and upsetting. Stay off social media, or make sure the media you do use is a carefully curated feed with positivity and things like cute animal pictures. Unfortunately, in my experience, many providers are not great about giving you this information. They lead you to believe you can just go get drugged up or zapped with magnets and magically get better. It doesn't work like that. It makes your brain more flexible so you can break old thought patterns and develop new ones. If you just feed yourself stress and ragebait during the most critical periods, it is far less likely to help.
Shrooms are different. The mechanisms are less well understood because political fuckery has set research back over half a century, but neuroplasticity is likely only a fraction of it. They also break down barriers, create new associations, suppress the ego, and enhance social connections. It is ... an unforgettable experience. I can't say it's for everybody because mindset is so important. But for anyone who is really ready to take control of their depression, I think shrooms make ketamine seem like a complete waste of time and money.
So, like... everything? I've read that one needs to be in the right frame of mind for things like this to work properly. I am not at all confident that I'm in that frame of mind. I'm on borrowed time for housing. Hate it here but have nowhere else to go, nor the means to pay for it. I can easily imagine coming "home" after treatment and just being obliterated by the tension and negativity.
In any case, I do appreciate the insight. When I discussed all of this with my doctors, shrooms were the option that seemed to make the most sense to me. TMS and ECT (ECT especially) feel like pseudoscience. It may all be a waste of time, but this is all Hail Mary territory anyway.
Hopefully it will help to shift your perspective, so while your situation might not change, your outlook on it will