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Anon signs up for a 5k (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] McLoud@lemm.ee 141 points 5 days ago

She was planning on having 5 km of cock run on her, now her plans are ruined.

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 110 points 5 days ago

This is almost exactly how I found out my ex-wife was cheating. She bought a ticket to a concert and then freaked out when I bought one too. Why wouldn't I want to go to a concert with my wife? She said it was just going to be a thing with her friends from work. When we arrived there was exactly one friend from work. A guy friend.

[-] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 30 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Because I’m procrastinating at work:

How many sessions of coitus might it take to accumulate 5 km of cock thrusts?

Estimates:

  • average erect length: 13 cm (from Perplexity.ai)
  • average number of thrusts in coitus: 300 (ibid)

Calculations

  • thrust distance per coitus session: 13 cm x 300 thrusts x 2 (accounting for insertion & removal) = 78 m
  • coitus sessions to accumulate 5 km of thrusts: 5 km / 78 m = 64.1 -> 64 sessions of coitus

So OP’s wife would have to fuck 64 times to accumulate 5 km of cock. Even with amazing refractory periods, that’s still a minimum of 32 guys running a train on her.

Edit: working through this reminded me of that episode of HBO’s Silicon Valley where they started talking about handjobs and hotswapping dicks and hit on middle out compression.

[-] discostjohn@programming.dev 22 points 5 days ago

My favorite part of sex is taking my average sized penis all the way out and putting it back in approximately 300 times

[-] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

Sir I think you are forgetting that you do not pull the pens completely out with every thrust unless you want to snap it off by accident. I think a 1.25 multiplier to your calculation is therefore necessary.

[-] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

That’s a fair assumption to make. So our totally real OPs wife now has to make 80 fucks at minimum instead of 64

[-] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago

The all new penis 2.0 now with hotswap capabilities.

[-] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago

He wanted that for both of them.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

He signed both of them up for it. There was a confirmation email and everything.

And he was willing to be at the back. Everyone knows the middle is the best.

[-] kittenzrulz123 4 points 5 days ago

Anon is jealous

this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2025
355 points (100.0% liked)

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