this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2025
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egg_irl β Memes about being trans people in denial and other eggy topics
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i've found cracks recently
cracks very similar to these
a hefty dose of imposter syndrome, of how fucking DARE i cheapen the trans struggle i root for so many people through by even considering that i might be worthy of it. I can't be a girl! That would be so HARD and I am SO LAZY! Surely I'm just making it up, and if I ignore it, it'll go away, right?
...right?
and i worry that if i actually try to talk to my friends about it--EVEN the ones whom are trans themselves!!--they will try to "supportively" reassure me that i am cis
and the thought of that ... the thought of hearing them say that ... nauseates me.
...possibly almost more than the implications of my life being turned upside down. Or rather, acknowledging that it may in fact have been upside down all along and having to face the grueling, excruciating hardship of what it'd take to turn it right-side-up for the first time in my existence ._.
Ah yes, imposter syndrome over not only being a girl, but over being trans. I'd champion trans rights till the day I died, but I clearly didn't deserve to be more than an ally π
exactly D: how the fuck is this even possible that i can root so hard for the people i love, assist them with transportation, research for paperwork, covering expenses, but when it crosses my mind that i find myself wishing that i could do for myself what i do for them ... i feel guilty???? what the fuck...
i feel like i'm out of line just writing this, questioning if what i'm feeling is legitimate even as my eyes are literally filling with tears as i type
Don't worry! I'll never "reassure" you that you're cis. You're not out of line. You're not stealing any valor. You're just you, and that's ok π
Come here! π€
π³π’ππ«ππ
Oh my, I don't know if you can close this box. I doubt the genie will fit back in. It might be more trouble trying to find your way back than to move forward.
I recently realized that the transition itself wasn't the hardest part for me. I wasn't brave for transitioning, as I only went through with it when there was nothing left to lose. The part that really took courage was accepting myself. That was more scary than any of the struggles I've had trying to transition. Having the courage to love me was harder than fighting for treatment, dealing with political anxieties, and learning how to be fem. I want to fight for myself now, but working up the courage to do that was the toughest battle.