Call your mom. She sounds pretty normal, though traumatized of course. She probably had PTSD and you do too.

My dad never beat me or my brother beyond spanking. He did hit my mom though. One New Year's Eve when I was about 9, he came home shitfaced and hit and screamed at my mom. I laid in bed pretending to be asleep as he broke every plate in the house in the kitchen while screaming. He cut himself pretty bad at some point and began slinging the blood everywhere. I heard him go in the shower so I got up and my mom was in the kitchen floor cleaning up the broken dishes and blood.

She died five years ago from alcoholism and starvation.

I used to fantasize about killing my dad. Sometimes even had dreams where I did, for years. He constantly harassed my mom with lawsuits and custody fights, just trying to waste my grandparents money on lawyers. He made good money, we were broke. He got the court to lower his child support to $100 per month just to make her life shittier. My mom was a pathetic pushover so she just didn't fight these cases except the custody ones. He didn't even want us, he just wanted to fuck with my mom. I remember I had to quit the basketball team because he told my mom he was going to kidnap me from there. He was a deranged asshole. He got off on using the system to fuck with her. He also pulled a gun on three people that I know of. Crazy fucker. His dad once drowned a sack of puppies in a river.

I'm good now though. I mean I'm severely mentally ill but my medications have helped a lot. And I've beaten my alcoholism.