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I bought a bra. Help!
(self.mtf)
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this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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Transfem
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I will say that voice training definitely pays off, especially if you dress androgynous. About a month into using a fem voice full time, I tried to boymode while traveling, but totally failed. Even though I wasn't on e, hadn't shaved, and wore baggy casual clothes, I was seen as a woman.
A big part is that I couldn't get myself to use a masc voice. It had become automatic. I would start sentences in a fem voice and then struggle to make it masc as I talked. It also didn't help that I felt terrible while trying to do the masc voice. My hair and voice just made me seem like a tomboy.
We are bad judges of how we are perceived, as we have preconceptions that override reality. The people who knew you before are actually less likely to update the gender they see you as without being told to. Strangers will see you as a woman, while your neighbor might not have a clue if they never see you in a dress. I'd recommend finding situations where no one knows you, but you'd be relatively safe. You might eventually learn that you cannot pass as male anymore.
Thanks for the reassurance! Yeah, voice is an interesting one. I'm using my new voice all the time now (similarly, I just can't stand to go back), although it's still a bit hit-and-miss, and wanders around a lot from day to day as I try out different things. Reactions have ranged from warmer tones and smiles from strangers, to "your voice is different" from people I meet occasionally, and "what do you mean, voice training? Your voice is the same as always" from people I work with. Sadly (?) there isn't a sir/ma'am distinction here like there is in English, so it's difficult to know how people perceive me.
Anyway, I went to an on-site event (including people I'm not explicitly out to) the other day in at least fem-adjacent wear with not-very-subtle bra bumps, and didn't get any awkward questions or comments. So I'm going to assume it's all in my head and keep pushing my comfort boundaries.