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this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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To be fair, your case applies to any sort of punishment.
Doing it out of fear makes it a survival response. Unlike getting grounded and talking about what was wrong.
What kind of beating are you supposed to give children for them to actually fear for their lives? I understand that there are sickos like that, but it's not that common. I've been belted my whole childhood, but I never had any survival response, cause I knew that my parents love me. During the whole thing I was much more worried about getting my PS2 taken away.
A child depends on their parent for every aspect of their survival. To have a parent turn on them in any respect is potentially a life-altering experience, and not in the way the parent intends. We have mountains and mountains of research that you can easily take advantage of. Two people can have the same experience; one receives permanent trauma, and the other just has a bad day. You were fortunate, but it is quite likely you are suffering affects (eg in relationships, self image, spiritual disposition) you are not presently able to acknowledge.
Lemmy back to making assumptions about comments. Not in the least indicated by the amount of downvotes to my original comment. Also Lemming really don't like hearing truths that don't vibe with them.
But to address your comment, I suppose you didn't say anything wrong, but it assumes that I don't know about adverse effects of corporal punishment and somehow approve of it.
I come from culture where corporal punishment is the default. 90-95% of boys (not so sure about girls, should be much less) experienced it, at least in the years of my childhood (it luckily seems to be going down, from my personal experience). But this doesn't mean that 95% of boys get beaten to pulp with a bludgeon. Most of the punishment is a slap on the back of the neck or something equivalent. Do I approve of it? No. But unlike some, I'm also willing to acknowledge that it's by far not the worst thing a parent can do, and the amount of potential trauma is likely negligible. And most children don't see these as "parents turning on them" or "life threatening experience". (Source: was a child who went to many different schools with children of various socioeconomic status)
I wasn't saying I was fortunate, I'm pretty sure I have enough traumatic experiences, including some instances that I remember to this day. And just because all of what I said above is true, you don't have to assume that my comments are an emphatic endorsement for child-beating, or beating any living creature, for that matter.
Parents who dont respect the bodily integrity of their children are already on the path to more serious corporeal punishment, and that is something that does happen, even if you didn't see it. Furthermore, it perpetuates the issue, since the children (like you!) learnt that it is a valid parenting tool, and among those there are again future parents who take it further than a small slap, and so on and so on... simply say no to corporeal punishment.
and by the way, it does not take grievous bodily harm to traumatize children. verbal abuse takes it's toll too, creating deep-seated psychological issues in many children.
The problem is that during childhood, the parents are literally the only lifeline for a child. Every experience that betrays the trust that children HAVE to have towards their parents has potential for trauma. A few isolated incidences might not do damage, but it's like playing roulette: the more often you play, the higher the chance your number comes up, creating lifelong consequences like anxiety/fear/depression (or when happening in the first few years of your life, personality disorders like my AVPD), inability to have a stable relationship, or bonding issues with your future children.
Don't hit your children. Don't yell at your children either. Do not make excuses for people who do this.
Parents that beat their kids don't really love them. They are releasing their anger on their kids. My mom left bruises and welts from the belt until I pushed her into a wall. I have also never hit my kid now that I have one. Because I take the time to chill myself before punishment.
Not all corporal punishment by parents is "beating". I was belted, but it wasn't done out of anger (maybe only sometimes). It was just a misguided method of disciplining, done "for my benefit".
I have never seen, heard, or talked to anyone that spanked their kid after waiting for 20min. It's always been in the heat of the moment. It's a power exchange. An outdated punishment just like making kids eat castor oil, being denied food, or poisoning their kids by making them put soap in their mouth.
You assume that all corporal punishment comes from anger. And you also assume all corporal punishment is beating kids. A lot of parents hit their children as a conscious act of disciplining.
A conscious act of abuse.
Sure. But still not all of them do it out of anger. In fact, I'm hopeful that most don't. Because if you hit children because you're angry, you're an asshole, but if you hit children as a means to discipline then you're just a misguided parent.