All true.

Timeless design

I think it's been a decade since I last used them in Holland. It's just unnecessary.

Any phone would do just that. Get the cheapest dumb phone you can find. That way it also doesn't break the bank when it eventually breaks.

Ah okay. You need some sort of reverse proxy.
I really like caddy. Using it with caddy-docker-proxy in docker-compose makes it quite nifty:

version: '3.7'
services:
  whoami:
    image: containous/whoami
    networks:
      - caddy
    labels:
      caddy: http://whoami.mylab.home
      caddy.reverse_proxy: "{{upstreams 80}}"

networks:
  caddy:
    external: true

Just make sure to explicitly use 'http' instead of 'https'. That way it won't try to create certificates.