You could try vipbox.lc

You maybe sailing the seas by watching here

You would have loved Urbit.org

I am also here.

Try starting firefox in safe mode. If the load time is still too long then it is not the plugins.

Are there txt message spam/scam filters like you might have on email?

Even a pop up warning when you click a link would help some people.

Wouldn't reddit need an API for this to work?