Mukhang di naman halata na malungkot ako. For the first time, I'd like to keep it that way. It's a pain to explain. I think the older I get, the more I get tired of trying to communicate myself. Parang nasasayang lang yung effort ko i-explain yung sarili ko either way.

Bahala na sila.

I was working out my arms, and I actually found myself admiring them this time. I see progress! Obviously I still have a long way to go, but you know, they just feel and look less flimsy/flabby now. I even admired my shoulders a bit.

I feel so vain 😆 but I feel great. You're looking better, self. Siguro yung low-key embarrassment ko na lang ay aking cute na tiyan. Bloating period ko pa naman this week.

Gusto ko ba ng abs? I dunno. Kung magkaroon, edi magkaroon. I just want amazing core strength 😩 having some cushion on the tummy is actually nice, it's soft and huggable.

May pakain sa probinsya tapos mukhang excited si kapatid kasi iluluto daw sa harap yung dish ganun. I guess it's a performance thing? Mababa ang expectations ko, I'm just there for the food, performative tricks don't really do it for me.

Kaya ganito ako kasi bumibili naman ako dun sa buy 1 take 1 burger at okay naman. Panget ko mag-compare 😂 wag na lang patagalin kapag gutom is what I'm saying lol

Well, the lolos and lolas need some entertainment, I guess. Hindi naman ako yung magbabayad. Whatever. Thank you for the food.

Kaya ko na din buhatin yung 5 gal of water para palitan yung tubig sa work without feeling like I'm going to hurt myself or something 😁

Heck yes, I feel pretty awesome. Wala rin spillage during the transfer, call me smooth 😌 No need to call a man to do the heavy lifting anymore chz

I do need to keep working out tho. I may not have pulled or hurt anything but I can do better. Gotta love strength training.

I tried online palengke tapos na-amaze lang ako at mas sulit siya compared to me going to the supermarket or yung malapit samin. Quality pa yung mga gulay. Hindi na ako magpapakapagod 😭

I had it delivered at work, testing lang. Dun ko na niluluto since nakikitulog naman rin ako due to long hours sometimes. Mamaya mag-gym pa ako galing work tapos babalik dun na din maliligo. Grabe dorm yan 😅

Ang hassle kasi magkarga ng how many days worth of baon at work, edi diretso ko na. Kahit rice cooker lang pangluto keri na yan. Mas dumali ang buhay ko.

Isang floor ng ref sakop ko, puro tupperwares w/ food or sauces o produce pati natira kong kape. Medyo nahihiya nako kasi ang dami. Halatang ayaw magutom at ayaw bumili sa labas dahil extra gastos lang lol. Isang floor lang naman, madaming floors yung ref ok at ako mostly madalas maglagay ng food talaga.

Ayun nga, ang sarap ng orange kamote 🤤

Delayed yung sahod namin 🥲 every day I find more reasons to resign

This is actually a first for certain reasons so baka kaya pa intindihin. But if this is gonna be a regular thing obviously we're going to have a problem. Sawa na rin ako magrant about work, I want more positive things to occupy my thoughts.

I think I may have to pause my having fun phase for now. New priority: job-hunting! Fine. Buti na lang din night shift ako, I can multitask.

This time I'm hoping to go government but if I got no luck there we're staying private na magandang benefits.

And the rant: tinanong ni coworker bakit hindi na ako natutulog sa usual kong place dati. Well, ever since nakikitulog na yung ibang tao (bc sharing is caring 🤨) ang dumi-dumi na nung usual spot ko.

I do want to go back there! It's a good ass spot that I claimed first (wow, territorial). Pero kapag binabalikan ko puro na lang linis ginagawa ko hindi na ako maka-pwesto. I might be getting a little dramatic, but they've desecrated the place. Ni wala man lang nagtatapon nung shutanginang beer bottles nung uminom sila sa workplace mismo (syempre bawal yun).

Ano, ako pa magliligpit? Basagin ko yan eh. Mag iisa, dalawang linggo na yung mga bote. Nadudugyotan ako, ok? Seriously, I'm gonna need maybe two months before I can calmly throw those away myself.

You want me to sleep next to those beer bottles that irritate the f out of me tapos ang dumi-dumi pa nung space tapos ako lang nagsusumikap maglinis? I'm just gonna get pissed. God, nung ako lang dyan araw-araw ako nagwawalis tapos pinapagpag ko pa yung mga dapat pagpagin. Ang sakit na sa mata nung spot sa totoo lang. And I still clean it kahit di na ako nag-sstay dun (bc I still do general cleaning). Kapag di ko yun dinaanan wala na.

Sharing is caring, my ass. Ok lang ako makipag-share sa mga marunong maglinis. Pero kapag alam kong may pagka-dugyot, maki-parasite ka sa iba. So annoying 😮‍💨

Ah may isa pa. Ginamit nila yung baunan ko w/o permission tapos ngayon may stain na hindi matanggal tapos may burn marks / flaws na talaga siya. It still works as a food container, but you know. Food container has been violated.

This got too long. I'm just so over it. Just stay away from me and don't ruin my stuff.

I can't help but raise my eyebrows at this fb friend from the same university na ngayon nagbebenta ng pyramid schemey food supplement products. Parang sayang yung science degree niya. And then I remember, ah, siya pala yung panay flex nung pera niya or something tapos wala daw ambag sa mga groupwork. My friend really hated this dude, I never really understood it.

Malapit ko na 'to i-unfriend. I keep seeing supplements that's probably not very effective tapos a wad of thousand peso bills beside it, you know those kinds of photos. For some reason I find it nauseating.

Anyway. I had this dream where kinukulit ko daw yung instructor/lecturer sa class namin about a burning question about some topic. It was a very productive dream because my dream self was finally able to ask questions that were just swirling confusingly in my head, unable to organize it and speak it out.

You know how you want to ask something but you don't even know what to ask or how to start in the first place? That's my problem. So I just kept going at it and finally something is clicking into place. Good job, dream self. That bothered us a lot.

Kapag may art na hindi ko type or naintindihan iniisip ko na lang, 'Ok, I'm just not ready for this yet,' because it's not the right time or moment or maturity or intellectual level.

I go back to it a year or five years or longer and maybe, I know how to appreciate it by then. It always blows away my mind when this happens. What seemed like a simple thing suddenly has so many layers. So this was what the others saw or heard or understood that I couldn't. Amazing. I'm glad I get it now.

Does the same thought apply to people and relationships? Hmm, it seems to be much more difficult to go back to what was once there if you know, you really fuck it up. Plus you can't just go, Oh I don't understand you so balikan kita in one year lol. If you appreciate it too late, chances are you're already looking back with a tinge of regret or nostalgia.

I'll just go, I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

me: ano bang problema ko

kapatid: mainit ulo mo, kinukulit mo ako, nagbbreakout ka, you just ate 3 dokito burgers in one sitting 🤦‍♀️ Magkakaroon ka na.

me: checks out calendar ay oo nga 'no. Kaya pala feeling ko naglilihi ako. I think I could've eaten one more tbh.

I kinda want some tacos now.

May work inuman na naman daw next week. Ayaw ko na, I've had enough ✋ thank you. Parang every week na lang. Nung pool inuman halos nagbatuhan na sila nung upuan parang dun sa resort w/ damaged property issue. I did have that horrified expression of, 'wtf are they doing' habang may kausap ako.

Umuwi na ako agad nung time na yun, but I did hear hindi na binalik yung security deposit tapos dinagdagan ata. Natandaan ko nga yung isa sinawsaw yung manok sa pool tapos yung chaser laman ay pool water. After ko makita yun umahon na ako.

Sumakit mga tiyan nila the next day. Grabe talaga buti na lang I had my own drink na ako nagtitimpla kasi maarte ako sa paghahalo ko.

I am not drinking from that questionable cup that everyone is sharing kasi di ko type yung style. You won't drink from my cup because you won't like the way I mix my drinks, and oh, how I like to mix my drinks like it's some sort of experiment. Quits.

I drank with some of my coworkers. Ayun, di ko feel. I just felt so bored kahit may tama na ako, I just ended leaving, walking home alone. It turns out mas enjoy ko pa maglakad ng 6km na may tama over talking. Ito na po ang cardio ko for the day.

Maybe I'm the problem. It just felt unstimulating. They'll just talk about things I don't really give a fuck about and I'll just quip random noises to seem interested. I liked walking tho, I was even humming super shy out loud. I'm sorry I don't care kung sinong crush mo, ilang taon ka na, kung gusto mo siya edi kausapin mo pabebe ka pa dyan. Hindi na bagay sa edad natin ganyang behavior. Go for what you want.

Basta ang cheesy. Natandaan ko tuloy bigla yung guy coworker na sinabihan si girl coworker ng panget ang sama-sama pa but his body language says otherwise. What is this, elementary? Pota. Nung lasing na nga dun niya lang inamin type niya si girl. Parang tanga.

Pardon my thoughts. I'm just cringing. It was an interesting walk.

Naaya ko si previous supervisor mag dive together 🤠 woohoo kung sino-sino nadadawit ko sa mga gusto kong gawin sa buhay ~~

Nung kami daw nag-uusap parang conference daw ang vibe lol. It seems like my alcohol infused brain performs satisfactorily sa mga ganyan, wag lang sobrang wasak.

It really is nice to have hobbies. It's really a way to connect to people kahit quiet quiet ka lang.

Also, marunong na ako kumain ng chicken feet. My coworkers just taught me. Grabe, ngayon ko lang na-appreciate ang chicken feet, I didn't really get it back then.