I would give anything to move abroad, but im into little to no things it takes to actually do so. And when I read about it, it seems a bit reasonable, but I lose all interest and motivation right there. Doubt myself and the usual.

I hate being american so much to where I want to do. I don't feel like writing much cause I feel pretty tired right now, but still Its become some sort of dysphoria for me. I feel inferior and I even hope to die in my sleep. I just wish that I were born European.

I do learn languages and I'm well aware of the issues over there.

I wonder to god why I was born here, but I know god doesn't really work like that or see things that way. So I probably pray.

I feel inferior literally

I don't relate to the history or culture (as if there is any) at all.

And some other stuff.

And I apologize if this seems very excessive. Its just really how I feel.

Quick introduction, I'm someone who has a massive fear of buggy/glitchy video game models for some reason, but over time I have gotten better I love horror films and I'm not really scared or disturbed easily. Forgot where I found this game and all things about it. One time, I was over my friend's house while waiting to set up a fun event and waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. The game was a creepy home invasion game in beta. I'll try to keep it short. Scary Guy breaks in, the sequence stars, I kill him after a while and that was it, things were going dandy. But suddenly, as blood began to pool when his body dropped to the ground, he held completely still, and his face SOMEHOW glitched out into a twisted, inhuman visage that was coloured completely white with his Eyes bulged widely out of his sockets, skin stretching like rubber, and his twitching mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.

So this weird thing with fear happened with me when vibrations get sent through my body, and before I fucking knew it, my mouth was wide open and it felt like someone threw a flashbang into the room due to my sudden hearing loss, only for me to realise that it was my own screaming filling up the entire room, and my friend's dog was completely alerted, leading to it circling around the room while barking loudly and having a huge panic. If that wasn't bad enough, the intruder's corpse began spazzing and throwing itself in random places, causing me to get even more scared, continue screaming and I started to thrash around profusely as if I were being lit ablaze or tased and I ended up throwing off the headset, alt + f4ing and uninstalling the game and even cleared it from my history (For some reason) before laughing like hell at myself a few minutes later.

I alerted so many concerned and terrified people who threatened to alert authorities for safety reasons and had to explain everything while trying not to die of embarrassment and I was heard by many other houses.

Hope you enjoyed this, this may be my only post here lol.