You sound as if you're having a depressive episode. I recognise it because I struggle with depression.

Depression is usually a reaction to real issues. The problem comes in when your psyche becomes overly focused on the negative aspects of your life, and can't fairly value the positive aspects. Think of it as seeing life through a grey veil, except your brain lies to you and tells you this is what's really true, and that before you were looking at life through rose-coloured glasses. It's not true.

1. Please get help.
2. It get's better, I promise.
3. Moving countries will not fix your depression - no need to ask me how I know :/ Wherever you go, you will be taking yourself with, so look after yourself please.
4. The rest of the world knows it's not all Americans. The people that matter don't think less of you just because you're American, they judge you based on your own choices. The kind of people who judge you by your nationality are the same kind of intolerant fools that MAGA attracts.
5. America has problems but is still better than many places. The issue is less the absolute reality and more the relative change. How America is today is worse than it was but still better than many places ever were.

Sending you hugs.

US government sucks, but that does not mean you suck. You're probably fine. I mean, you know that country is run by idiots, I'd worry more if you were fine with that... Anyway...

If you're taking meds, consider asking a doctor whether the dosage is right, incorrect dosages can lead to feeling depressed. Don't experiment, see a doctor, it's all just brain chemistry and can probably be sorted out. :)

Hey have you looked into working holidays? We have the equivalent for your country where we can go and do farm labour or Alaskan fishing in a specific season, it means you know ahead of time why you're going to that country. I think the same thing exists for places like England, Spain, and other European countries.

Myself I have never been motivated enough to even go on holiday unless someone organised it for me.

But also... You don't need an excuse to get on a plane and go. You just need to make sure it isn't wiping out your bank account.

I'm with you. I've been feeling especially shitty the last few months. For me it's been the expenses. My monthly costs are going up faster than my pay, and earlier this year I consolidated some debts to make it more manageable and hopefully get out from under it, but now I'm racking up the balance on the credit card I was trying to eliminate in the first place.

All day yesterday, my head was full of unhealthy thoughts. For example, they were doing work on the building I work in and I fantasized about them REALLY messing something up and just blowing up the whole damn thing with me in it.

If you need someone to chat deeper with, hit me up, I could probably use the company myself. Best wishes to you!