a group of trans women

The collective noun for several trans women is a "triumph". A triumph of trans women.

I mean yeah, these people laugh at the notion of NSFW.

Let me highlight some bits of your message:

I clearly have attitudes that being trans is monstrous

Exposure therapy has been helpful, and my overall distress from trans people is much less now than it was at the start.

But surgeries do not resolve trauma and setbacks formed through years of closetedness, dysphoria, and denial.

I am beginning to feel like this is one of the biggest sources of my continued distress - it's not just that I am trans, it's that I lived so long as a man and what that did to me (physically yes, but mentally is what I mean).

But I have get across other people who like you have gone through surgeries to find something to be desired at the other end.

I do think this is the right take-away, the fact that neovaginas are lined with skin that will never be like or function like a natal vagina is a technicality - the bottom line is that vaginoplasty has excellent outcomes and are totally worth it. (Even if it's not quite as good as you mentioned.)

Let me start by that last part. I meant that a bit differently. I meant that I have met people who have undergone SRS and then they want to be done with gender dysphoria and the trans label. A person might develop dysphoria later in life about a facial feature for instance, but fails to realize it is dysphoria, because she is "done" with surgeries, and done with "being trans". This is related to the misconception that HRT and SRS eventually "make you cis". Because supposedly they define transness as the presence of dysphoria, thus relieving dysphoria makes you not-trans anymore. That is why I prefer (and WHO) to base the definition on gender incongruence, or simply "being trans". It might also be based on an individualist and assimilationist approach to transitioning. And it is rooted in internalized transphobia, in your case with a prominent disgust/aversion element.

This might also make you want to be singled out and not be lumped together with the category of trans people. You framed your exposure to us as exposure therapy. This might come off as a bit dehumanizing. It is the solidarity and community with other trans people that is a substinence and steadfastiness parameter, the opposite of individualist assimilationism. It is very important for marginalized groups to come together. Come to think of it, I was active in support groups both online and IRL, and that also helped me get through transition. Actually this is a reason I sought out to be a member of this community, solidarity among trans women must be a given. Just being together with other people like you is something of itself. I always feel relief and sisterhood in the company of trans women, not that I hadn't been disappointed or betrayed. I have.

I tend to think that psychology is just not a matured discipline and operates on poor theories, and at the very least most psychologists leave the field ill equipped to deal with the kinds of issues I had.

This is the closest to the possible reasons I intuitively thought that would be a barrier for you to be helped by therapy. I think you are in error about this on multiple levels, the first is that I don't see a direct link from academic psychology to therapy practice. But some of it is related, and there are studies that show that therapy is effective. The school of thought of therapy is not significant, it seems that the critical factor is the relationship with a therapist and the process itself. So it is a process. These attitudes, together with rationalization, might have been barriers for you to be helped.

Of course it goes without question that the therapist must be knowledgable in gender dysphoria. I also see that you feel like your problems are to specific and particular to be handled by just any therapist, or the field of psychology itself. I don't have an answer for you right there, but I have seen it before. I don't know what it means, but I know that it has hindered people from starting therapy or make them postpone it till their problems become overwhelming. Of course you said you have tried therapy consistently, but you might have been looking down at psychology as a discipline and at the same time not trusting it to understand your specific situation. Rationalization and possible neurodivergence also may be part of it. Your eclecticism (eg PhD psychologists) might not be helpful, I don't know the Southern US situation well, but a PhD could be too sterile academic work. You need someone with relevant field knowledge, clinical experience, and a good fit to you personally. All these are more important factors than PhDs.

To continue a thought from before, this is a way you're setting yourself up to not be helped by therapy. You already bring up yourself several issues that you need to process within a relationship and within a community. So you are smart enough to see that your nightmare and following post here was literally the tip of the iceberg, and there is a bullet list of topics already, internalized misandry, internalized aversion to transness, being unprepared for your new normal, and then the self-esteem issues and being made redundant, which is stressful in itself. Also, this is already too personal and you should not be so open about it on the internet. It belongs to therapy, or other trusted setting. There is also this community's matrix which has encrypted channels and an emotional support room. Best of luck!

Great work, and rich resources. Please archive, for those who know how.

That's ten in base-based. /joke

Edit: Perhaps this was more correct some years ago

I mean this only happened two days ago. Skimming through the comments it seems like it was written by Matt Walsh; it was the BBC.

Did you forget yet about how we wrote that there might be data showing that trans people should be more likely to get arrested? What if that were true? Or what if non-binary people are ten times more likely to traffic infants? What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? What if doctors are climbing through windows to suture penises to sleeping cheerleaders? The next time you see a trans person, you ought to ask yourself these questions.

Oh dear that last phrase is the bollocks. ROFL

Nice find. I love the color palete and the humor. Definately following this artist.

their account name I'm guessing their primary work is with trans inclusion

Hers.

TERFs are nazis. And vice versa. Why are you surprised by the latter?

It is telling that Labele's work has gone from intellectual takes on being and growin up trans, to mostly counter-TERF comebacks, to strictly political cartoons lately.

Much like the evolution of the copaganda toy equipment, it is an attestation to the rise of fascism.

I no-op and further down in my transition, I also know several other women closely, so I hope I am not overstepping here. We all have internalized shit in our brains about how are bodies are supposed to be, and this is why gender-affirming counseling and studying transgender theory is as important as medically transition. Many people have psychological set-backs even after transitioning. Your tissue down there is the exact same tissue that it would be your vagina. The surgeon restored the vagina you would have naturally developed. Same goes for HRT, as it activates the exact receptors that would be active if you had undergone typical female puberty. That is the whole reason HRT works on our bodies in the first place. It can't turn us into dolphins, but it can activate our DNA expression that would have been, because human beings can develop one or the other or yet intermediate ways with respect to sex differentiation. The same embryonic tissue can form the one or the other way, and there is not an essentialist difference between a neovagina/vulva and a typical one. We all have old trauma with our past dysphoria that raises its ugly head but has nothing to do with who we are now and what our bodies look like now. Look, I really don't want to say more, transition is a very private journey, and many people, myself included, have benefited from discussing such things with a specialized affirming therapist. Best of luck and congratulations on your milestone.