hi, so i had this one friend “allison" in middle school from 6th grade, when she came here, to 8th. i'm kinda wondering whether i should, well, befriend her, or take the hint. i'm autistic so i often can't take hints even if i am a good communicator and an extrovert.

allison and i go way back, being friends ever since middle school orientation day when we started chatting and she only trusted me when we were seated together in science class. she was a little blunt and easily annoyed, though, so i started not to like her and even got jealous of her because she was bi at the time and started dating my at the time crush “lia”.

well, after my crush on lia officially faded towards the end of seventh grade, i started developing feelings for ALLISON in eighth grade when several nights i had dreams about her and ended up unable to think of anyone else but her, get super giddy when i did see her, and had fantasies of being a hero that would protect her from bullies at school back when she was only with the semi-popular kids and got bullied for being an anime fan.

our friendship grew more and more apart when she started calling me a creepy stalker and running away when i’d say hi to her, scream at me some days and be super kind and helpful the next, and sometimes she’d even say we should get married and i could be her husband, but other days she’d reject anything i did, said, or gave to her. she eventually stopped hanging out with me along with the other girls in our group due to them finding out i was autistic, cementing their dislike they already had for me. i knew they disliked me, i didn’t know why, but they were the only people i had as friends that would “let me” hang out with them.

on the last day of eighth grade, she smiled at me and asked how my year was and we sorta made up, but she’s shy and kind of a dry texter and now she’s one of the popular-ish girls, best friends with my biggest eighth grade bully (another popular girl who happens to be homophobic while allison was super in denial about being bi and saying it never happened and also having internalized homophobia), and i asked her if she had snapchat so we could talk more and she said she doesn’t use it. she doesn’t text first nor does she add anything to the conversation so idk if she’s just being polite or what, she will be super dry like mentioned. i don’t even like her anymore like that, by the way.

like, i might be like “hi! how’s school?” bc idk how to start a conversation, and she might say “it’s ok/it’s fine” and not even add anything like “how’s it for you?” so either she’s bad at keeping a convo or she doesn’t like me, and i can’t tell how to start the convo or what to do at all. HELP??

all the ones i know are either homophobic AND racist, for example, or one or the other. if they aren’t racist, they hate gays and if they aren’t homophobic, they hate people of color.

that’s the only people i know of. i knew a bi girl who was/is conservative but she doesn’t talk much about politics so idk what she is now. anyway, she loved trump and HATED immigrants of any kind but she wasn’t at all homophobic.

meanwhile, my ex-gf called gays the “alphabet community” said she was one of the good sapphic girls and said that latinos and haitians are animals who eat dogs and they’re evil, coming to kill all the americans. she’s also blasian so idk how she’s so racist, her grandma was an immigrant from vietnam.

sorry to post so much, but now im worried as hell. is it true what someone on reddit said? i’d take it with a grain of salt, but they said i’d be bad at both being a tutor and a barista, both jobs i wanna work at, due to my disability making it slow and that i’m not good enough and that they wouldn’t pay me to help their kids because i don’t know either skill inside and out. however, another person on lemmy said they were being a jerk and that you gain experience by working and watching others.

idk what to believe :( the lemmy user sounds reasonable and sensible, but idk, im worried im gonna be terrible in the working industry because i dont have much of a skillset for anything as im disabled and my memory and reflexes are wack and i cant talk well (i stutter and freeze sometimes) despite being more extroverted, and my disability makes it hard for me to do so many other things.

atp i won’t be able to get a job anywhere because im not fast enough or a good worker...

so when i was 14, my middle school had this career fair. i always got childcare on the career tests I took, so I decided to explore those options. one of the jobs for kids my age was this daycare/learning center where you could help kids as young as 14.

however, i called this one woman who worked there one evening, asking if they still hired. she sighed heavily, saying in an exasperated and rude tone, “you can’t just ASK someone if they hire and interview them!!” when asking is the only way I could find out.

“besides,” she continued, “we already filled all the positions in april, so just go away.”

am I in the wrong or was that unprofessional of her? I liken her behavior and responses to that one grumpy friend you called for the 1000th time at 3 a.m.

so, im clare and at school we are talking a lot about job listings. we do projects where we search on indeed for job listings, their benefits, their qualifications, and what job we wanna look for in the future but also as high schoolers.

it seems that being a math tutor entails passing a math test for at least algebra i at what I wanna look for. while i wasn't the best at algebra i, i ended up passing. i find geometry to be a lot easier and i'm starting to get the hang of using algebra when needed. i am not among the smartest of kids my age, who are in higher classes like algebra ii and trig or maybe even pre-calculus, but i am in a sophomore class as a freshman, which still shocks people.

i was slightly more advanced (a grade above) in math since 6th grade when the teacher said I needed a challenge. i'm even worse in honors english despite being an honors student, so im definitely not gonna apply for english tutoring even if there IS a job offering for such a thing.

however, being a barista at a grocery store where they have a starbucks or something, does not require experience from what I've seen, but you have to quickly memorize orders, work efficiently and quickly, and i heard the job can be somewhat stressful but i do love cafés, drinks, and especially coffee!

the only place I know besides that was working with children, which they said they were hiring as early as 14 with a permit, I think??? but they were so, so rude and said they were already hiring people and that the spots were full and in a rude tone, said “you can't just ASK someone if they hire".

where should I work?? tutor or barista? im also autistic so it may be hard for me as some people think im "too disabled" to do stuff most people can do like drive and work due to my slow reflexes, struggle to pay attention, remember things, etc.

so when i was younger, my dad gifted me a book he helped write. i was in second grade and it was his only copy. i got bullied a lot at that school and someone must have stolen it. either way, it was over a decade ago. people laughed at me and the teacher yelled at me to sit back down, and i remember leaving to get something and checking back and it was gone.

my dad will switch often between being very nice and loving, then mad and stuff over the book, for example, then when i say idk where it is, he sends a bunch of heart emojis, acts more excited than usual, and says “thank you anyway!!!! <3”

furthermore, he will get into arguments easily which is also why he cant land a job, and then will get mad when someone is not “on his side”, calling people traitors and stuff for refusing to do favors for him and switching between really kind and loving to really mean and angry when someone doesn’t do what he wants.

he’s too self-absorbed to get a diagnosis and not self-aware enough, but everyone says he’s narcissistic.

i think this is prob a stupid question for me to ask, but i wonder.

like, i consider myself to be on the ace spectrum because i don’t feel much sexual attraction. i can only feel sexual attraction towards certain people, and only if they do certain things.

for example, i’m kinda into sleeping beauty stuff, embarrassingly, which is why im posting on an alt. i can only really get sexually attracted to someone if they’re sleeping and only if they consent to me being aroused/cuddling them.

besides that, i can only really feel genuine sexual attraction towards people im already dating. and even then, they have to be sexually attracted to me first or be a horny/sexual person. with most people, who arent, i dont get sexually attracted to them and they have to be my partner.

can i still be ace?