Ahead of the New Hampshire primary, Trump lambasts Haley: “She wants to be president yet she hasn’t even released her Insurrection Plan.”

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Examine the quality of its binding.

A Tesla is more of an indoor car. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/chicago-area-tesla-charging-stations-024817227.html

“The Assassination Coordinates are coming from inside the car!” https://finance.yahoo.com/news/chicago-area-tesla-charging-stations-024817227.html

Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of my Iowa caucuses delegates. They’re all just out of frame, laughing too.

So long Vivek Ramaswamy. You may have placed 4th in the GOP Iowa caucuses, but you will always be 4 billionth in our hearts.

A Q-Tip is a cotton swab that believes Trump won the 2020 election.

“My work here is done” announces Ron DeSantis as he flies back to Florida to walk into the ocean and be reabsorbed into the 5,000-mile seaweed blob teeming with flesh-eating bacteria.

It’s going to be weird when DeSantis suspends his campaign tomorrow and is suddenly four inches shorter.

Breaking: Tonight’s Iowa caucuses forecasted to be negatively impacted by white snowflakes.

Breaking: In a brazen act of nepotism, Europe’s longest-serving monarch Denmark Queen Margrethe II gave up her throne and her son became the country’s King.

Ghost of James Carville: “It’s the democracy, stupid.”