Not necessarily. I definitely go through waves like this, and it doesn’t feel like depression to me.
I’ll have a couple of days (or weeks) where I want to do things, but not enough to actually motivate myself to start any of it. Then I’ll bounce back for a while and be so focused on something that I’ll forget about taking care of basic needs like eating and sleeping.
I’ve kinda learned to embrace those extremes. What I hate is the middle ground where I want to focus and get something done, but I realize about every 5 minutes that my brain is off topic again.
It sounds like you are super depressed right now, and I’m sad you’re going through that.
There are a lot of things out there that are worth living for, and some great experiences to be had. But I’ve had severe depression in the past myself… and I’ll be honest, no one could convince me in that moment that life was ever going to be a positive experience again. So I doubt I will be able to convince you right now.
What I do hope you’ll hear right now, is that your own assessment of life can’t be trusted at the moment. Depression is like a feedback loop. It makes us feel hopeless, and prevents us from believing better things are ever possible. I promise you, there is some way to get help. And your depression is going to tell you I’m wrong. Or that if you could find help, there wouldn’t be any thing they could actually do to help. Don’t trust your depression. It makes us lie to ourselves. There’s help to be had, and you’ll never know if it could help if you don’t actually try.
Don’t trust your self right now. Look for help. Tell professional people that you feel suicidal and trust them to help.