When Jellico orders Janeway and Chakotay back to Earth, Gwyn gets a call from Solum and Asencia starts attacking. But after the crew splits up and Voyager can’t figure our where to shoot, we finally learn why Wesley hasn’t been helping out lately. What’s Ben’s cigar and whiskey? How did Chakotay work out a winning strategy with Janeway? Which magazine proves that print isn’t dead? It’s the episode that’s filling in the adult blanks.

When the Entrepreneur is six weeks into the expanse, the Captain’s only lead is an unscrupulous foreman with a Xindi miner. But when Archer and Trip get trapped with the prisoner, their sewer-based escape ends tragically at a set of useless coordinates that push them deeper into the expanse. Where’s the fresh content for a Florence Nightingale foot fetish? What could have made Trip’s nightmare better? Who is turning professional compliance inside out? It’s the episode that was very close to gruel.

When proto-warp cracks the universe’s cocaine mirror, the kids arrive back at Voyager to find a ship shattered into different realities. But when Jamie Lee Janeway and Goatee Chakotay learn about the Loom the hard way, Gwyn and her armband set everything right for a happy reunion. What can we expect out of Prodigy Season 3? When do kids become Steve Zahn appropriate? Where did Maj’El disappear to? It’s the episode that presents the bathtub theory of facial hair.

When a clockwork probe shows up to give Florida a Prince Albert, the Entrepreneur is called back to Earth and Captain Archer learns that the Xindi have an even more deadly attack in store. But when they get permission to head back out towards the Delphic Expanse, T’Pol and the rest of the crew decide to stay aboard as Duras loses his last chance at honor. What’s in the lobby of Big Dish? How is agave spirit like processed cheese food? Which feature does the Mark II have that the Mark I doesn’t? It’s the episode with an ocean full of manatee carcasses.

When a dustbuster club heads out in search of bosonite, they find scary tribbles that bite and a Klingon scientist to make fun of. But when their missions align and Rok-Tahk’s mistake ends up saving the day, the cadets leave yet another character behind as they set a course back to Voyager A. What’s not even wrong with Ben this time? How many lies does it take to make a web? Where does a Star Trek podcaster keep their joke Derringer? It’s the episode that’s nostalgic for hose.

When Captain Archer gets kidnapped by a Tellarite bounty hunter, he’s slowly talked into delivering Archer to the Klingons with a means of escape. But as T’Pol gets sweaty in the decon chamber, Dr. Phlox comes up with a cure for her horny that avoids having to distribute cages to the crew. What do ants know? Why do shuttlepods have a shovel? Who can be a sniper in the Klingon military? It’s the episode that wants to wrap the grap!

When Chakotay and the cadets decide to A-Team the Protostar, they sail it towards a dangerous storm to collect the deuterium they need to go fast. But when Dal fails on ship-steering duty and starts to question his future, Chakotay encourages him to explore a different career path that sends them both overboard. Who thinks a lot about the Shinzon Incident? How is this story like an evening in Nashville? Which Prodigy character is David Carradine’s favorite? It’s the episode that’s not having enough fun with chaos Murf.

When Captain Archer gets bad news involving A.G. Robinson and a mountain, his solo away mission to a dark matter nebular turns into story time with T’Pol in the the middle seat. But when she learns about their rivalry and how Robinson influenced Archer’s career, she suggests naming their big beautiful nebula after him as a fitting final tribute. What’s the best method of birth control? Who does this show think we care about? How can copyright infringement be avoided? It’s the episode with an embarrassment of bar towels.

When the cadets find themselves marooned with a very grumpy Chakotay, Holo Janeway has to convince him not to let them die outside. But when the kids start to gain his trust and Dal goes missing, the search and rescue mission turns into a funeral cruise for birdman. What have the scientists stopped making? Why can’t Adreek be buried in a Jewish cemetery? Is there a first rule of ship wreck? It’s the episode that’s only functioning at 40%.

When a team of Lennie scientists finds Borgsicles under the ice, thawing them out and getting too close leads to new urges around base camp. But when the Entrepreneur gets sent to intercept by Admiral Forrest, Archer blows up their damn ship after closing the First Contact loop. Who needs to look at their own messy-ass starships? What’s the best way to open a can? Which Borg drone was missing from this story? It’s the episode that no one thought was possible.

When the Loom starts attacking Gary Seven’s office, Voyager’s away team beams down to a Tarsem Singh situation. But when Dal brings Maj’El into the quantum equation, Wesley’s calculations open a hole that tank-top Janeway allows the cadets to go through. Which TV show do sick kids need today? Whose phone has been disconnected? What’s both embarrassing and tragic? It’s the episode that’s frozen in primal fear.

When the Entrepreneur stops by a hypergiant star, they get to know a gregarious alien species that’s very generous with their tech. But when the two captains take a field trip and Tucker goes rouge with a Vissian, the implications for First Contact put everyone on the edge. How high can the writers’ room count? Where do cogenitors poop at the airport? What should be chiseled into Archer’s tombstone? It’s the episode that never fails to check for TNG semiotics.