Right, but what does support and guidance mean? That's too vague to be useful. We don't even know what religion you think you might be. You haven't said.
If it's in your other post you mention (I'm about to go check) then for the future, the polite thing to do would be to link to that context in the initial post
But from what you've written here, you're not going to get anything useful.
So, let's start with what does "I don't know if I ever was truly an atheist" mean to you? (Its a big, complicated question I'm sure. Take the time and page space to be specific)
(This is genuine. I'd be happy to talk about it, I just don't have enough info to be helpful)
Today one of the architects of our current hell weeps