years of depression, escalating introversion, and extremely low energy for anything outside of the house.

This was me

I ended up on a gradual slide from “maybe part of my identity is enby? Is that a thing? Enby-sometimes?” To “oh, no, that part of me is definitely female” to “oh, uh, the more I leave the rigid fenced-in built-for-survival part of my mind, the more parts of myself I find that feel this way”.

Yep, I did this too

I always wished I was a girl, but my mind refused to cross to the idea that maybe I am one.

Yep, me too

Not trans here, haha. I don’t have bad conscious dysphoria about my body, and I only always WISHED I was a woman, that didn’t mean I AM one

Yep, I did this too!

I read about gender euphoria, I read about biochemical dysphoria and realized I checked off every box in the “depersonalization” section

Yep. I'm even quoted in a Zinnia Jones article about the topic.

How do I find someone who has walked this path to tell me that what I am experiencing is OK

It's absolutely ok. It's pefectly normal. It's what self realisation and understanding looks like after a lifetime of self repression and denial.

Remember, it's a journey, and it will take time. And the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to forgive yourself for not having the answers, and for not being perfect as you work on processing it all.

As for what's next? No one can tell you that. Probably not even you. And that's ok. This part of the journey looks like finding out what does work for you. It involves giving yourself permission to explore and experiment. It involves giving yourself permission to take the time needed to work out what you want, to work out what works for you and what doesn't.

It's scary and uncertain, and the world is getting pretty hostile towards us, but at the same time, there is nothing in this world like working out who you are and embracing her.

And for context, I went through this journey and started my own active transition around 7 years ago. I've walked the path you're about to start down, and I can tell you that it's worth walking, even if it gets a bit rough in parts :)

Hey just wanted to drop a couple of FACTS:

1. You're a woman.
2. Sounds like you were AMAB, so this makes you trans.
3. You are valid!

Now that's out of the way, have you ever thought about names? How about using pronouns, maybe have your wife try feminine nicknames, pronouns etc with you and see how it feels.

For me, it still feels magical to hear my correct pronouns and names being used <3 Or when my partner calls me a woman, girl, etc. Like is this real, can this be happening?!

Having a supportive partner is one of THE most important things, I mean someone you spend so much time with, who knows you so well, to offer that kind of unconditional acceptance, that's a rare and beautiful thing.

That being said... this is probably a big adjustment for her too. She might need time to fully process things. Don't be surprised if some of the dynamics of the relationship change.

And well, my partner is also super supportive, but like, I think I do annoy them with my obsessive moods lol. Yes, sometimes I'm gonna take 100 selfies because I still can't believe this. Or being mesmerized by how I look with eyeliner for the first time. Or shopping for clothes. Or taking three hours to get ready to go out.

There is so much to do, and I try to make up for all the lost years, but we have to be careful not to overwhelm those around us. Good communication from both sides will do wonders. Remember you both have needs.

Being trans is a lot. It's amazing, it's horrible, exciting, boring, frightening, frustrating, too slow, too fast, the highest highs and the lowest lows. You have some great times ahead, and maybe a few not-so-great, but keep your head up. You got this, girl!

I find it easiest to explore my identity by separating my mind as much as possible from my body (a source of dysphoria and doubt). Laying in bed, showering, and roleplay seem to do the trick well.

Further, you can try things like feminine clothing and voice training as those are low risk and low cost (though voice training takes a lot of patience).

Like an inventor, you are not going to find certainty nor a path until you personally come up with it. Others' stories are useful in that they may be applicable to you, but I cannot tell you the answers for yourself, because nobody knows them yet. The hardest part is probably even defining an end goal for yourself. Personally, I settled on maximizing my happiness, which I can measure and isn't so vague that it can't guide me.

You're in a relatively good position, but it still won't be easy. Having a pan wife who accepts you is pretty sweet. You'll still have the struggles that are inevitable for trans people in 2024; nothing can change that. However, transitioning is by far your best option.

I was circling the idea of being transfem for a while, but I had a lot of doubt still. I played as male characters in role playing games, never allowing myself to consider being a girl. I didn't know trans people existed for most of my life, and was convinced for years that I couldn't be a real girl because I didn't consider it consciously.

The first crack in my egg came when I realized I was bi. I liked girls, so I assumed I was just a straight guy. I just assumed that the boy I was obsessed with for years in elementary school was just a really treasured friend. To be fair, I was jealous of his long hair and that time girls braided it in a feminine way, but I was also very attracted to him outside of that. I somehow never considered that I had an obvious crush on him, despite the fact that I recognized the same behavior towards a girl as attraction in middle school. 🤦‍♀️

At least I figured it out the second time it happened with. He was mysterious and flirty, a dangerous combination. I got mad at him when he pushed me away as things got too gay, but it somehow didn't click that I liked him. My lack of awareness back then was impressive. I got back in contact a few years later and finally realized that I liked him once I was an adult.

Around the same time, I met a transfem enby that I really related to. I just assumed they were a cis woman for months, until I stumbled across trans reddit. I learned more about trans culture and realized that this person I saw myself in was trans. It somehow took me 3 years to realize that I saw myself in them because I wasn't cis, and another 2 years until I realized I was a woman. 😫

Part of my comical obliviousness was that my mind kept me from even considering it. I'm a fairly empathetic person, but my mind refused to put me in high heels and a dress, so I rarely experienced euphoria. I was miserable by default and held a deep seated hatred for who I was. I didn't realize my dysphoria because I had never felt anything else. Slowly, as the shell began to fracture, I felt twinges of clear dysphoria, hints of who I was, but confronting it was scary and painful, so it took years to finally face myself.

The first time I fully imagined myself in a cis female body living a cis female life, the shell fell apart. I cried and cried because I knew that egg could not be put back together. I knew I would not be happy as a man. Even then, I naively thought that I could just tank the dysphoria for a few years and gradually transition without coming out. I was wrong.

It just wasn't healthy to view my life as worthless; to only continue living because I didn't want to upset the people that loved me. I thought I could live without loving myself, but I now realize that it wasn't possible. I didn't deserve the emotional abuse I inflicted on myself and couldn't consent to that mental self harm.

I've never felt worse. The costume I built my entire life was crumbling and I would be destroyed with it if I stayed inside it. I had nothing to lose, so I made the best decision of my life.

I don't know your story, but I wouldn't wait longer than necessary if I were freshly hatched. Dysphoria often gets worse once the egg is gone, and it will only get better through affirmation. It's always uncomfortable at first, but no amount of discomfort or pain compares to the feeling of self love. It really can be night and day. I thought that my base mood would always be low, but I now realize that it's quite high when I am me.

Howdy! My own egg cracked just a few months ago, so a lot of this is sooo familiar. Definitely yes, like Ada said, what you're feeling is perfectly okay and normal! I have no advice to give other than to remember to be kind to yourself.