181
submitted 1 year ago by mayflower@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] PlutoniumAcid@lemmy.world 53 points 1 year ago

I'm pooping next to my toilet, inside this wall. The tp roll is in my belly.

[-] prex@aussie.zone 14 points 1 year ago

Now there are three of us

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[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 40 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I have simultaneously merged with my desk. My bowels have been displaced and are now bisected with bamboo. I feel simultaneously ripped apart and yet stuck and solid. Every point of my being is as though it has been engulfed in flames. My existence and identity has now become insufferable pain. I feel an impending sense of doom at a foreign body now lodged inside of me.

There are no wounds for me to bleed from and I cannot gasp for air to scream. My spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks and my ears feel as though they are being stuffed with cotton. An internal white hot pressure feeling erupts up my now-fractured spine until it reaches the back of my head and radiates towards my forehead. My peripheral vision looks like static and everything appears to shake. I am unable to make sense of anything and everything goes dark and still.

U killed me op wow

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[-] kuneho@lemmy.world 33 points 1 year ago

welp, I'm not sitting on a tram anymore

I'm now having an uncomfortable moment with the airline passenger in seat 26A.

[-] nemanin@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

I continue pooping in the next stall over.

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[-] KuraiWolfGaming@pawb.social 23 points 1 year ago

I'm shitting in the shower.

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[-] vulgarcynic@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 year ago

I'm now shitting in my bathtub....

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[-] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

I am now shitting in the sink.

[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago

I move into a space occupied by my desk, thus taking 3d10 force damage before moving to the next unoccupied space.

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[-] Ataraxia@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 year ago

Inside my boyfriend, for once.

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[-] SuiXi3D@kbin.social 18 points 1 year ago

I’m now in the lap of the guy in the stall next to me.

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[-] thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

I am now sitting on the wing of a plane that is about to take off. Gonna try to Tom Cruise it. Will post updates soon.

[-] DarkFox@pawb.social 17 points 1 year ago

I've now telefragged my colleague.

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[-] Cyv_@kbin.social 17 points 1 year ago

Does the cat on my tummy come with me? If not Cheddar says that this expirement violates the cat sitting treaty of 1669

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

We only made that damn treaty because they promised to chase off the rats during the last bout of the Plague. We've had it twice more since then, lazy furballs.

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[-] Sidyctism@feddit.de 16 points 1 year ago

I telefrag the guy sitting next to me on the train

[-] Bakkoda@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 year ago

I'm now pooping on the floor. Thanks.

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[-] venji10@feddit.de 15 points 1 year ago

Don't know, I don't know how much two feet is.

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 year ago

It's approximately a third of a Smoot.

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[-] ramble81@lemm.ee 15 points 1 year ago

Fall out of my chair, but otherwise unaffected as I end up on the floor.

[-] Sir_Fridge@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

I'm reading this while laying on my right side in my bed. So I suppose I bounce on the bed then. Seems fun!

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[-] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 14 points 1 year ago
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[-] MangoKangaroo@beehaw.org 14 points 1 year ago

I am now sitting in the chair next to me. This is mildly inconvenient.

[-] Jaywarbs@kbin.social 13 points 1 year ago

I'm standing in a box. I am now a cat.

[-] lemick24@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

I hover briefly in the air, next to my bed, and hold up a sign that says "uh oh" before I fall a couple feet to the ground onto carpet. I might hit my head on the nightstand, but I feel like I got off easy compared to most other people.

[-] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

hovers in air next to sofa, looks down, looks at camera, holds up sign saying "uh oh" and plummets two feet to the floor creating a puff of dust on impact

[-] russjr08@outpost.zeuslink.net 12 points 1 year ago

Hmm, well the railing of my bed would well... be railing me.

[-] ghashul@feddit.dk 12 points 1 year ago

I'm suddenly on the outside of a bus on the motorway. Probably dead or at least badly injured.

[-] lakemalcom10@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

Well now I'm sitting in a different chair. And I don't like that chair as much. 😡

[-] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Taking a crap in the hallway

[-] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago

Woah, lemmy is for shiters.

[-] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 11 points 1 year ago

Not much, I'm just lying on the other side of the bed. Although my pillow has been replaced with a garbage bag.

[-] hddsx@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 year ago

I have been bisected by a table

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[-] MacAttak8@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

I would be spooning my dog who is on the other end of the couch. If this was a competition I’d submit my outcome for winner or at least most wholesome. Some of y’all’s are definitely more funny though.

[-] Nemo@midwest.social 10 points 1 year ago

I'm sitting on top of the bin of laundry I need to fold.

[-] Hare@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
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[-] marco@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago

Thanks, I'm now pooping in the shower ...

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[-] cupcakezealot 10 points 1 year ago

i just fell off the bed ouch

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[-] locuester@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 year ago

I’ll have a window seat at 30k feet and the person seated to my left will be free fallin’ for a while.

[-] CharlesReed@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago

I live in the wall now.

[-] NOOBMASTER@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

I'm european, so it doesn't affect me at all.

[-] ohlaph@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

I would be rather sad since I would be sitting next ro my chair on the floor instead of un my chair. My coffee would also be out of reach. I would be sad.

[-] Turious@leaf.dance 9 points 1 year ago

Yay, I'm in bed now! Good thing, I was getting eepy.

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[-] TeaHands@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

I am one with my bookshelves. Unfortunately the Steam Deck hasn't fared well.

[-] GreyShuck@feddit.uk 9 points 1 year ago

If this involves some kind of adjustment of orientation, then I will be doing an early Father Christmas act and coming down from where I have appeared halfway up the chimney (being generous about how wide that chimney is). If it doesn't, then I am going to be part of the brickwork - except for my guts and arse, which will rot in place in the chimney over the next few weeks.

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[-] simple@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

I've merged into my bed and finally have an excuse to not get off of it.

[-] Pantherina@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago

Fusioning with the atoms of the wall next to me. So parts would stay me, others would just transform into very high density stone or something. The meat may fall off or needs to be cut off, luckily my head would be completely inside the wall.

[-] athos77@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

I have either bisected the wall, or the wall has bisected me.

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this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
181 points (100.0% liked)

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