20$ nawww i wanted a peanut!

"I haveth a laser pointere"

Everyone time I get electricity bill I sing "la factura de la luz"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDd_wnhnkDs

"Try not to suck any dicks on the way to the parking lot!"

Whenever I am out and about I will eventually see someone doing something with a step-ladder. I walk up to them and say "Is that your step-ladder?". They'll look at me a little odd but answer yes. Then I ask them, "Did you ever know your real ladder?". Then we usually both laugh/chuckle and I go about my day. Been doing it for years.

The safari guides from George of the Jungle spending the entire trip trolling the white guy. Including the cherry on top, this scene.

"Excuse me ladies. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you let me order a bowl of fried clams, we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning."

"big gulps, huh? Well, see you later!"

Why can you never have more that one egg?
Cause one egg is Un œuf (enough)

My favourite bilingual joke. It's so silly, it's so fantastic

Who are you and how did you get in here?

I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith.

"Why you know that cow is highly accomplished? Yeah they are outstanding in their field."

No ticket

Appa from Kim's Convenience saying 'No, you!' to everything.

'You're deflecting.'

'No! You are deflecting!'

-"Anyway, your immunity Is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time And performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather."

-"I did do the nasty in the past-y."

"Oh no, not again" from the paragraph:

"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

"Yes it's true, this man had no dick"

"But the water's clean".

Many years ago when a friend and I stopped at a rest stop and the sinks looked dirty. I said, "It's not very clean", they said that. Now for some reason it still pops into my head any time I wash my hands in a public restroom. Whyyyyyyyyyy.

What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs? A mathemachicken.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot

Homer Simpson thinking to himself:

"Aww, $20? I wanted a peanut."

"$20 can buy many peanuts."

"Explain how."

"Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

I think at least one part of this exchange to myself almost every time I buy anything.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Any variation of n n+1 (based on 67).