I feel for the new generation.
Some were born in recession, grew up in covid lockdowns, studying with AI slop, and the the job market is shit. And some losers are trying to create unending wars.
The world is now on hard mode by default.
Came here to say this.
No matter where you live, the people coming into adulthood now don't get to experience the world we did, and they know it. And what's worse is the unlikelihood that any of them will ever get elected federally in order to try and actually change it.
You had a nice house and TV in your 20s.
Parent's house
Still counts
Honestly, just moving into a semi-walkable 120k pop city did wonders for my social life. Its literally just the convenience of being able to just go and socialize on a dime basically whenever.
People moving into suburbia and rural areas are insane. Just asking for mental illness.
Too bad cities don't come with friends
You'd have ample chances to meet some though. That is basically what I've been doing for the past 4 months since moving into my apartment with a surprising amount of success, given how crotchety and autistic I am.
I've lived in 4 of the biggest cities in the world and I've just hit 30 and moved rural - smaller cities are best for socialising, but depending on your hobbies rural can be better than big cities. Completely agree that walkability is key, just adding nuance that I don't agree that cities in general are great like I used to - it can be very hard to live a nice life in a major city
Rural area can be walkable as well.
I'm living in a village (~1500 people), we have one car for 3 adults and the car is used maybe once a week on average.
Everything else is done walking or biking. Walking the kids to school taking a path along a steam of water, there is several bar and restaurants in the village center, a bakery, a small grocery shop, a local producers shop, a market, barber ... I'm working remotely and I have a coworking space in the village as well.
The streets are always busy and everyone say hi to each other.
We just need to have less car centric spaces.
A buddy and me were the first in our circle to get an apartment after college, so we became the meeting place. It wasn't a party house, we drank beer, and smoked weed, but it was calm and quiet, and the old folks below us never complained. They were frequent visitors, as a matter of fact.
People would start showing up around 8. My buddy and I managed different record stores, and we were into all sorts of music, and we had ALL the latest promo recordings, so usually we had a ball game on the TV with no sound (for our buddy Mark, who loved sports), while we listened to music, smoked, and talked. There were usually a dozen people, guys and girls, all ages, right up to old folks downstairs, sometimes. He'd had a stroke, and he could understand everything, but couldn't converse, beyond random curse words, which he would deliver with either exasperation or disbelief, which we all thought was hilarious, and so did he and his wife.
At 11:30, we'd watch Johnny Carson's monologue on the TV, and at midnight wed switch it over to two episodes of Twilight Zone. After that, everybody went home.
That was our ritual about 3-4 nights a week for a couple of years, until everybody started to scatter as they found jobs in different places. We'd go out now and then, but only because we weren't going to meet any new girls hanging around our apartment. Going out often meant moving the party to someone else's place for the night.
We couldn't afford to go out to party much, but we always had a better time at home with our friends, especially since there were no threats of judgemental parents, RAs, etc. Our first real taste of true adult freedom was sweet enough to keep us happy.
plot twist: the "old" folks downstairs were 35.
Wait a minute, you had furniture AND a television that was fairly up to date? What sort of bougie person is this?
This is in their parents' house.
Excuse you, I'm waiting in videogame lobby as we speak while browsing through Lemmy to pass few seconds as I wait for other players to join. Ohhh, there's the beep. I must play now.
It's not too late to change your ways.
Oh sure, lemme just pull out all this disposable income and time I have for drinks, cab fair. Yea its definitely within budget to spend $50 round trip traveling + $50 buying rounds + $30 food + etc etc etc.
For sure I can do that 3-4 times a week to be social. That's only like ~$500 a week. Or ya know what, maybe we just cut down to like twice a week, thats only $1k a month. Who cant afford that, right?
Ya know what, maybe we just need to cut some costs. Hmmm cab fair is expensive, let's just drive! That's easier anyways, let's get drunk and drive a couple days a week because we cant afford to be responsible AND sociable...
EDIT: actually, know what, I thought up another way to save some money. Lets save some money on food. We can't afford to be eating out all the time anyways. So yea, lets go out, drink on an empty stomach and drive home. Making some changes! Making friends! Going out and being social!
What's your monthly streaming bill? (Hoping you say $0 because YAAARRRRR!)
I'm not trying to presuppose everyone's lives or say they have to be a certain way. But we can do things to be with people that doesn't cost money or even involve drinking. I realize that I live in a very walkable, highly mass-transit-friendly, extremely accessible city. BUT, spending time with friends, playing games, riding a bike, walking, etc., are all ways to stop streaming and make changes.
I get it. You're trying to unseat my statement as insensitive to your plight. I meant it in good faith, though. There was a time before smart phones and limitless streaming. We hung out, we played music, we read books, we drew, we painted, we lived. We can still do it.
It's hard. I'm trying. I try to draw every day. I spend time writing for a D&D game I DM for. I write music and try to get through the dumb darkness we're living in. Streaming comes at the end of the night when I am going to bed.
Good luck. I wish more social life and socialism for everyone. :)
Drive to each others places and don't drink. You don't need alcohol to have a good time with friends. Hang out online. Meet people who live in walking distance.
None of these options is perfect; we'd rather be able to meet exactly whom we want, and do exactly what we want when together. But the topic is socialising, not socialising in exactly the way we prefer.
Most of my friends don't live in the same city as me, so it's not easy for me either. But by one method and another I still have social contact.
You're seeing the consequences of young people growing up during COVID. It is very, very difficult to unlearn what we were socialized for in our youth.
For most people who experience this, it literally is too late to change their ways. It's possible but requires extreme effort and likely years of therapy.
There's no amount of well meaning aphorisms older generations can pull out to make this better. It is a public mental health crisis and needs to be treated as such, not treated as individual failure.
I think the biggest issue is that we have shifted culturally. People still need social connection but from a cultural perspective it is less appropriate to be social.
I think change is easier than people think as it is just a matter of forcing yourself to break cultural norms.
Between rent, school loan, car payments and groceries I was pretty much tapped out. Pulling 60hr weeks I didn't have social time even if I wanted to.
20 years later I never made new friends but at least I'm working a normal 40hrs. Still paying all the same bills and still no time. But I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That's close enough, right?
I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That’s close enough, right?
that's pretty much how my parents socialized, so...
As someone who did live like image 1 in late 20s and early 30s, it sucks so much when you have to go back to image 2.
Maybe better not to experience it at all.
Same, I'm 42 and went out every weekend with friends for a good 5-6 years from like 21-27. You could actually afford to do that back then.
How I Met Your Mother is so interesting to me because the best parts about it stem from the fact that it's characters are all horrible people. Yet the writer's clearly don't realise this very obvious fact about their own show.
Also, it wholly erased it's own place in the culture by having an absolutely trash final season.
It's also deeply, libidinally, transphobic. Like, holy shit it's so bad
Any show made pre-2008 is going to have a different vibe culturally.
Still a good show, even if it's not for your tender palate.
If the characters hadn't spent practically every night drinking until 2AM, HIMYM could have been compressed into a movie with a shitty ending instead of 9 seasons with a shitty ending.
These kinds of experiences aren't only in cities, but they do become a lot easier if you're not living in a cow pasture.
Living in cities brings other challenges. It means there are too many people, so everyone just kind of keeps to themselves.
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