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submitted 11 months ago by TokenBoomer@lemmy.world to c/worldnews@lemmy.ml

Theonion.com

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[-] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 280 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.

Damn these guys are good. Managing to satirize the media, take a hands-off approach, and still raise valid points all in a couple paragraphs.

[-] exploding_whale@lemmy.ml 62 points 11 months ago

Perhaps some evidence there still is some life in the onion, even if its been sitting in the pantry a little too long and starting to look a little sketchy.

[-] stewie3128@lemmy.dbzer0.com 42 points 11 months ago

Trump admin was a little too insane to satirize effectively, I think. They try to stay playful while biting, with only the occasional blunt headline.

Basically, Trump only deserved single-entendre, and that's not really what they do.

[-] ReplicatedSoda@startrek.website 42 points 11 months ago

The Onion has been killing it recently. They must have gotten new writers cuz they seemed to fall away for awhile. They're definitely back on top now though.

[-] Retrograde@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago

I think it's because the cupboard the onion lives in is currently on fire

[-] Jamie@jamie.moe 11 points 11 months ago

Well yeah, they asked the IDF to airstrike their offices in case they have Hamas breeding more terrorists in there.

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[-] NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 230 points 11 months ago

Satire is one of the few things in this world that really cuts straight into the absurdity of humanity. I wish the solutions were as easy as pointing out what a clown car this planet is.

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[-] tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 218 points 11 months ago

Small detail some might miss, one of the editorial board signatures is Ted Kaczynski.

Brilliant paragraph:

“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.

[-] Glytch@ttrpg.network 32 points 11 months ago

Writing like that is why the Onion is the greatest satire publication in the world.

[-] jackmarxist@lemmy.ml 148 points 11 months ago

This is not a real news article but we'll allow it in this instance because it sheds light on very real issues.

Please refrain from posting non news articles next time.

[-] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago
[-] Omega_Jimes@lemmy.ca 147 points 11 months ago

Man every once in a while The Onion demonstrates how satire is supposed to be used. This is remarkable.

[-] Amaltheamannen@lemmy.ml 91 points 11 months ago

I got permanently banned from /r/worldnews because criticizing Israel is "misinformation"

[-] elbarto777@lemmy.world 73 points 11 months ago

Well, what the fuck were you doing at reddit in the first place?!

[-] Amaltheamannen@lemmy.ml 29 points 11 months ago

I've completely replaced reddit with Lemmy on my phone, I still sometimes check some bigger subreddits when on my pc. Or subs like HFY that has no equivilant.

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[-] AdamHenry@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 11 months ago

I got banned from Reddit permanently because I had commented on an article of pertaining to enemies of the state. I said that traitors should be hung. So a bit strong but it was not directed to a particular person.

[-] coco@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago
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[-] Boozilla@lemmy.world 82 points 11 months ago

The onion nails it again.

I'm glad at least Krystal and Kyle are trying to throw some water of sanity on the raging wildfires of bad takes out there.

[-] Orbituary@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago

So are Cenk and Ana at TYT. Please give them a listen. 6pm EST / 3PM PST daily on YouTube for the main show.

[-] Boozilla@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago

Thank you. Glad you mentioned them. I should have also said Kyle Kulinski and Krystal Ball (Secular Talk, Breaking Points) and not assumed everyone knew who I was talking about.

[-] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 7 points 11 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

main show.

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[-] Staiden@lemmy.dbzer0.com 78 points 11 months ago

It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I'm sorry I don't believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years? What does Israel think is going to happen? They are teaching a whole new generation to hate them. (as if they already diddnt) This will just cause more terrorist cells to pop up and work to kill more innocent people.

All in the name of some sky daddy. The only reason the US supports Israel is because some 2000 year old work of fiction wrote some doomsday prophecy.

[-] wewbull@feddit.uk 35 points 11 months ago

I'm trying to work out why the US is sending an arms package to Israel. The US has already provided Israel with the highest level of technology for its armed forces. It can wipe out it's neighbours several times over. The world is pleading with Israel to show restraint, and the US is saying "have more missiles, please".

[-] merc@sh.itjust.works 22 points 11 months ago

Yes. This isn't Ukraine fighting off a bigger invading army. Presumably, Israel has enough weapons and ammunition to fight a war against Lebanon, Egypt, and their other hostile neighbours. Their plan for ~~ethnic cleansing~~ militant suppression in Gaza surely won't do much to deplete those reserves.

This is Israel invading a tiny slice of land that has no army. Sure, there are some militants there, clearly they have some weapons, but is there ever going to be an actual justification for things like artillery or tank shells?

I mean, we all know Israel is going to use them, but they're going to be using them against civilian infrastructure. And, if Israel is using so many shells that they run out, should the US really be supplying artillery that is 100% going to be used against civilian targets, because there's literally nothing else to attack in Gaza? If Israel uses so much ammo that it depletes their reserves and threatens their ability to fight a war with Egypt and Lebanon, well shouldn't Israel show some restraint and not do that?

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[-] pandacoder@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago

Honestly the popular support from the people who can't point to Israel on a map is religious.

The governmental support definitely is not based on religion. The US makes semiconductor tech there and Israel is one giant front-line fortress for us. Israel is the Middle Eastern outpost analog to all of the East Asian allies who are littered with US military bases.

[-] Staiden@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 11 months ago

My parents and my entire family only support Israel because the Bible says "If Israel falls the world ends". It's all the religious right cares about which is a very large part of the US. All of these are just my opinion and i love constuctive conversation. It's really a massive mix of things and just for me to minimize it to religion isnt exactly right.

[-] Glytch@ttrpg.network 17 points 11 months ago

I always heard it the other way around. That restoring Israel would bring about the End Times, but also that the End Times are a good thing because it means the Kongdom of God will finally be realized. I went to a pentecostal summer camp, though, so that might have something to do with it.

[-] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works 15 points 11 months ago

It's a prerequisite of the Christian rapture for the Jews to control Israel and Jerusalem.

So basically, they think that the Jews need to be in charge over there so that the sky daddy can abduct people up to heaven when the apocalypse comes. Literally batshit insane. It sounds like something a schizophrenic person came up with.

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[-] Welt@lazysoci.al 8 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I bet God's dick is so big that when He wears protection it's called the Kongdom of God

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[-] AdamHenry@discuss.tchncs.de 18 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

SkyDaddy sure, but don't forget American currency is tied to this destruction as well. We didn't didn't hustle out those 8-10 bill boats out there because we are fanboys of Bebe. Nothing good ever comes out of messing around in the Middle East. Nothing. It was a mistake for the US to get this involved.

[-] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.de 13 points 11 months ago

It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I'm sorry I don't believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years?

You literally just did the thing you said "you aren't allowed to do". What is going to happen to you now?

[-] Staiden@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 11 months ago

Good point, I'm not really talking about here anonymous on lemmy. Talking about other social media sites, Facebook, reddit, in rl to coworkers and at least my family.

[-] exododo@leminal.space 8 points 11 months ago

USA support isn't about any god or ethical stance, it's about raw geopolitical interests, about maintaining power and hegemony. Israel is a key ally for them in the Middle East, while Palestina is an ally to Iran, which is an ally to Russia and China. Neither of them give a shit about who lives or dies, all of them make human sacrifices on a daily basis. Cold war never ended, and now it's just getting hotter.

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[-] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 69 points 11 months ago

Ok I was ready to be disappointed but this is lengendary

[-] pressanykeynow@iusearchlinux.fyi 63 points 11 months ago

Ah, an honest journalism at last

[-] library_napper@monyet.cc 62 points 11 months ago

This is a fraught moment, and one that has polarized not only Americans but people all over the world. It demands incredible sensitivity and strict adherence to journalistic standards of objectivity, and simply put, that is something we aren’t willing to do. Rather, we’re just going to say The Onion expresses its steadfast solidarity with Israel and leave it at that.

[-] xGIHOST@lemmy.world 54 points 11 months ago

It seems everyone did the same for the same reason.
Everyone is "standing" with them because they have power unlike Palestine who have none.

[-] BuddyTheBeefalo@lemmy.ml 33 points 11 months ago

Finally, and more importantly, it’s because we don’t want to and you can’t make us. You can’t. You seriously can’t. You cannot make us do all of this hard stuff. Ever. Seriously.

Remember Charlie?

[-] dm_me_your_boobs@lemm.ee 11 points 11 months ago
[-] FMT99@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago
[-] VubDapple@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Candy Mountain, Charlie!

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[-] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 14 points 11 months ago

Idek if this is a real article or an actual announcement because both would be equally fair.

[-] SheeEttin@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

That's what makes it good satire.

[-] brihuang95@sopuli.xyz 10 points 11 months ago

never change, the onion!!

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this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2023
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