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submitted 1 year ago by SomeoneElse@lemmy.world to c/dontyouknowwhoiam@lemmy.world

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[-] Ech@lemmy.world 42 points 1 year ago

I feel like "mansplaining" has lost all meaning. It used to be about men going out of their way to correct someone that didn't need correcting, particularly if they were wrong themselves, and most often with women. Now people use it on men just...saying things to anyone.

I get that people are touchy on the subject, and I respect anyone's right to not want or need help. I think how Mr. Solomon handled it was correct - ask if they want your input and respect their answer. It'd just be nice if people didn't use cultural memes to dismiss others out of hand.

[-] _finger_@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

We used to call these people patronizing but it got gendered for some reason

[-] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's funny because "patron" in "patronize" comes from "pater" which means father.

[-] heili@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

And "condescending" is also available to describe this behavior.

[-] Zyrxil@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Because it's a specific subset of patronizing, where it wouldn't have happened if the target were not a woman.

[-] Lightor@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

What about the other way around, what's that called? Like I've had women "mansplain" cooking to me because I am a guy.

[-] Zyrxil@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Womansplaining I guess? It's not a popular phrase or even one I've ever heard anyone else use, but it somewhat fits as she explained it because she felt like you don't understand cooking as a guy. But it's missing the other context where mansplaining only became a popular term because lots of women could identify with their own personal experiences of being condescendingly explained to just because they're a woman.

[-] PopularUsername@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Yeah in my books, "Mansplaining" has never had proper meaning. It was just a way of blaming men for a particular behaviour, which is generally neutral to begin with.

[-] kbotc@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Nah, it came from a very real workspace behavior where men would explain things to women when the woman would be the expert.

It’s very well studied: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-s-man-s-and-woman-s-world/201603/the-psychology-mansplaining

[-] PopularUsername@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Is an interesting topic of discussion, unfortunately, they always seem to attach these things to a specific gender or race and it makes the whole thing sound childish. It's like the concept of micro-aggressions, I like the idea of investigating the subtleties of human behaviour which can have covert but large effects, but they immediately attach it to race and racism.

[-] _finger_@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

The people who came up with it just didn’t have a lot of real world experience dealing with people. Most likely college kids writing from their own, narrow minded viewpoint (with a dash of narcissism)

[-] Tenthrow@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I'm pretty sure I had a woman mansplain something to me once in the meat aisle at Sam's when I was making a joke about a rib roast to my wife.

[-] Ataraxia@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Thought it was assuming someone you're talking to needs to be eli5 something like properly configuring a firewall. As a woman I always have to step on eggshells not to embarass guys doing that because every time I mention anything that indicates I have experience in IT and tech support they seem put off and stop talking to me lol... especially if then I try to share what I've done to fix an issue that has been plaguing say the office and they don't understand what I'm talking about. I think though intersecting into someone's conversation is very rude at least where I'm from. In public I don't expect to interact with a stranger unless they're about to warn me about a bobcat behind me lol. I don't interject in other people's conversations even though I may be knowgeable about it because who am I to them? They're having a friendly conversation and I walk up and go "xcuse me ma'am, actually, it was Jennifer Lopez that was being referenced in the taco kisses episode of South Park, not Shakira". Again, just awkward?

[-] afraid_of_zombies2@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I have never liked the term. I am also in a technical role and feel like if I say anything to a women at work I will be yelled at.

Like okay I had to go to speech therapy for years the very fact that I can talk at all is a miracle of medical science. Any other time in human history I would be effectively mute. So now I am working with someone, I have to not only figure out the answer to their question I have to spend all this effort to get my mouth to move to say the answer and if I explain it even slightly wrong I am an awful person who deserves to have their life ruined.

I don't know what you don't know. Sometimes I am not going to simplify my answer not enough sometimes I am going to simplify it too much. I am going to make a mistake and for that I am sorry.

Frankly I do avoid it because I don't want to be accused of something. If I don't interact I can't interact incorrectly.

[-] anonymoose@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago

Wow, they sound like some insecure guys lol.

I get what you're saying about interjecting in stranger's conversations, but that actually happens all the time (initiated by men and women, to men and women) here in Canada. It's actually one of my favorite things about Canada! I've got into some spirited discussions with random strangers about all sorts of things, and bonding with strangers with immediate familiarity is something I've grown to really enjoy.

Unless I'm in an introverted mood, in which case I just mumble and run off lol

[-] Fosheze@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I definitely agree that you don't just butt into a strangers conversation in public. That's just weird.

When it comes to tech though you have to at least get where those guys are comming from. It's not because you're a woman, it's because it's tech. You can't assume people know anything about tech otherwise you'll be half way through explaining the thing before you find out that the person you're explaining it to doesn't know what a right mouse button is and they think the internet is an icon on their desktop. You can't know what everyone else knows so the easiest thing is to assume they know nothing. If you work in IT or any other tech field long enough it's really easy to wind up talking to everyone like they lick windows just because that's the safest thing to assume until proven otherwise.

As far as the IT guys avoiding you, they may just feel awkward for treating you like a window licker, or they may just be leaving you alone because now they know that you know what you're doing. I work in a different support job now but I still have coworkers that I don't really interact with because I know them and trust them enough to do most stuff on their own. However that also means that if they seek me out then something is very wrong and it's probably going to be a pain in the ass because if it wasn't then they would have fixed it themselves.

[-] Asafum@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

You're just gaslighting us!

[-] Klear@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Donner–Kruger effect in action.

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[-] dan1101@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

I'm so petty I wouldn't be able to resist saying "Well I wrote it, but you know better than me."

[-] Vino@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

"No Mansplaining" sounds more like an excuse to avoid a conversation you feel insecure about

[-] SomeoneElse@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

If you’re talking about the post title, I was being sarcastic.

[-] Vino@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

sure sure

[-] Mr_Dr_Oink@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Ed was sat next to two redditors it seems.

[-] Wurstkiste@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Seems like we white males are going to have a tough time, regardless of whether we're actually quite nice, fun and okay-ish, average dudes or the Next Big Predator Trump type asshole. The fact alone that we're white and male is obviously enough to be judged and disrespected.

[-] Tired8281@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Maybe, but I'm certain we're privileged enough that we can take it and will be just fine.

[-] Wurstkiste@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Until we're not anymore.

I thought feminism was about equality.

[-] Tired8281@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

Until we’re not anymore.

Can't wait. I can acknowledge that I've lived my life with privilege, while still speaking against the system that gave it to me. I didn't ask for it.

[-] Wurstkiste@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Question is, privileged compared to whom? Of course I do not want to be privileged compared to women, persons of color, whatever other part of society that I currently might be privileged compared to because I am a white man. But that should not mean that I have to hand my privileges over so they become privileged compared to me. We should all have the same level. That's what I thought feminism was about. If it is not about ironing out these privileges and leveling the differences, but instead to hand them over and turn the tables, I have the fucking right to feel like a victim.

[-] Tired8281@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Wow, way to read into what I said! My point was that you enjoyed that privilege, for your whole life, whether you liked it or not, and that puts you in a better position to handle any shit you might take for it now. Better off than someone might be who didn't have the advantage of enjoying that privilege. That's not saying you have to surrender that privilege or that somebody else is gonna come and take it, it just acknowledges that it's a thing and you benefited from it. All that stuff about taking away your privilege came from you, and tbh it's a little bit strange of a focus when I was simply acknowledging that it existed and that I benefited from mine. I'd give it up in a second if I could, honestly, because it's not something I earned.

[-] Waitwuhtt@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Rude.

[-] Wurstkiste@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Yeah, pretty much the same as men back in the days telling a woman to shut up because she's just a woman. Now it's white males who are told to shut up because they're just white males. Same shit, different target.

It sometimes feels like feminism and emancipation is not about freeing women, but to take vengeance for centuries of oppression on the white men who live today, regardless of whether they fit the pattern or not. It hurts to see that society does not seem to have learned from its mistakes. We're making them again. This time only in the opposite direction.

[-] IHawkMike@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Oh ffs stop playing the victim.

[-] Wurstkiste@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

So when A oppresses B for 100 years and B is the victim, and suddenly B oppresses A for the same fucking reasons, A is not a victim too??? How's that fair? How's that equality? That's not equality, that's revenge.

[-] Numuruzero@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 year ago

Man I can't stand this kind of take like white men are suddenly getting oppressed. The systemic oppression hasn't suddenly pulled a sick 180; that's not how this works. Some people are being rude, it's true, but white men aren't suddenly being targeted all over. It might look that way if you pick up several social circles who laser focus on perceived slights. Looking on from a position of privilege, seeing those privileges get chipped away looks scary and might make you feel personally targeted. Ultimately though, being on level ground is going to be a different environment.

[-] Vino@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, feminism and social institutions? now that's mansplanining. Heheheeh

[-] Zehzin@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

TBH rudeness aside I don't know what Ed Solomon looks like either

[-] afraid_of_zombies2@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Just don't explain anything and you don't have to worry. At work only interact with your own gender and never be alone with the opposite. Better to be safe than sorry.

[-] AdamEatsAss@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.

[-] Tb0n3@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Wow. That sucks.

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this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2023

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Don’t You Know Who I Am?

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