A lot of our behaviors and coping mechanisms come from our parents. So if they’re lonely and have no friends, you should examine why that is, and try to change it in yourself.

One of my friends realized after therapy they had a lot of behaviors from their dad. Stuff they hated when their dad did (lashing out when uncomfortable, mostly). Once they saw it, they were able to work on it. Before that, it had been a real source of friction with friendships.

I'm in my mid 40s and have about a dozen friends and many more acquaintances that I see regularly for reasons exactly like this. In person Pathfinder with local friends, online D&D with some remote friends, and earlier this year started going to local fighting game community events which has caused a huge influx of new friends.

Board games are good. I like the crazy verbal ones like Cards Against Humanity or Rappakalja (which is called Balderdash in English accordign to Wikipedia), but something like Catan will also do.

Yesterday we went to the cinema in a local art deco cinema, that was pretty cool actually. They had couches in the back. The newest Jodie Foster movie of all things.

There's the local requirement though. I have zero contact to anybody from my youth, I moved, completely changed my lifestyle, they moved... My friends now are much more recent.

I feel like I have the exact opposite scenario. It's other people who don't know how to keep a friendship alive, for me. Like, I can reach out, ask if they want to do something, and either never get anything back or get a "I already had some plans after work to play a game with so and so."

Mind you, I let this person live with me when they wanted out of the bad situation they were in. I also was there for the "so and so" when their mother passed away. Even before then, I drove that person around because they were an adult and didn't even have their license yet! I drove them to their mother, who was an hour away at a hospital (we live in a small town). I drove them to pick up food and whatnot. I was there for both of them, and never bothered them with any of my issues (because I could handle my own at that time).

I did all of that for these two people, and yet, somehow, I am the one left behind in the friendship. It's just insulting. So, in my opinion, there are just a lot more people out there than isn't that are just not good people or don't give a fuck about anything other than themselves!

I just think the modern era, and my way of thinking, don't jive.

Some of us were sensitive to armchair betrayals to begin with, and can't endure letting another snake in the garden.

Having kids, having to work...

Thank you for your service though.

My new home country has a thing called talkoot: it means people get together to do some work for someone (or the community), then this someone offers food & sauna (and that means socialising, an excuse to crack a beer etc). Historically used when building houses, it is now a neat trick to both get together and get some work done. Or free food & sauna.

I feel that you’ve severely misrepresented or misunderstood why people don’t show up to things. Assuming that they’re just addicted to instagram or whatever is such a crappy take.

Most adults are tired. They’re under paid, over worked, over stressed, and just plain worn down. The weight of a world designed to crush them has done its job very well.

People don’t show up because they’re depressed and stuck in a hole they don’t know how to get out of.

Source: I live in the real world. Also, I too run book clubs and shit and have seen people struggle to stay engaged.

It's a very widespread problem, and I don't know how much to blame on media and culture vs human nature. Maybe some magical thinking too.

Basically, it's the issue of people being on autopilot and expecting the life they're supposed to have just happening to them. Interpersonal relationships are a huge part of it.

You're probably also quite young. In my 20s I had a huge friend circle. 20 years later it shrank to just a few.

Where did you meet your friends?

Because Jessica won't respond to his messages