this is a story that is common in many subs on. does your parent see him as a golden child. they often neglect the other child, and when things get bad, usually financially for the parents because they gave all thier money to said golden child and he mismanages the funds.

him killing animals is a sure sign of sociapathic/psychopathic tendacies, its only matter of time before you or your parents will be the next target(s).

it seems like the parents want to keep you in the house to truncate some of the brothers anger and violence towards you instead of them.

are you going to college? if so there are scholarships that can assist with living in dorm, or a off campus apartment. at least my state school has an offcampus apartments that they own, usually only for universities/state uni.

eventually the parents are going to rely on yuo financially or otherwise to offset thier retirement, if your bro doesnt harm them first. this only ends poorly.

What is your plan for yourself? You're taking online classes, what is your end goal? Can you get a job right now? The reality is that you cannot depend on these people. They may be supporting you now, but that could end at any moment on a whim.

Your plan should be to figure out what independence looks like for you and figure out the fastest way to get there

I'm really sorry about your situation. That sounds awful. I know it sounds obvious, but you didn't mention it, so I have to ask if you've tried calling the police or social services.

I have been in similar situation but without the chronic illness. What has worked for me:

1. Maximise time outside. Try group activities, where people can take care of you if something happens, and give your a rides to and from meeting spot. Check if library or other institution has some sort of help program.
2. Get money. Find a job you can do. Any job wil do.
3. Move out asap.

The first step to heal is to not be in danger.

I hope for your success. I have walked through hell, and somehow I survived. All this effort was worth it.

Your best bet might be to try and pivot to in-person college/university if possible. You didn't say where you are in the world, but in the US, most schools will have on-campus housing you'd be able to stay in for most of the year. The financial part is always the limiting factor of course, but considering how violent your brother can get, it may be worth it. It's a lot easier to recover from student loan debt than being dead.

Look into family violence programs and resources. Do the intake and speak openly about the violence and constant psychological threats you face. You might be able to use this to get transitional housing, especially because you are in school and are moving forward in your life.

There are scholarships for people with POTS and disautonomic disorders. Get your grades up and work towards going away to college.

I had a narcissist in my life. I watched a ton of YouTube videos about how to deal with the situation. I went no contact with the person. I packed and move into my car for a few months. I found land and now live on bare land in an RV.

It’s kind of depressing that this narcissist is holding my other family members away from me as leverage against me, but they can no longer spread lies about me since they have no contact with me.

It’s still 1000x better life for me. Made tons of friends all around this new area in the past year here. Have work now, and things are just better.

I feel that living the way I do also is the opposite is what the narcissist would say about me. (They said I was free loading off them, I was lazy, didn’t want to work, etc). Now that I’m doing all those things I truly reflect back and see the narcissist is the one that is lazy, etc. feels good to finally be away from that abuse.

Oh my god, this triggers me so much.

Brings me back to when I was... sometimes between 5 to 7 years old. My older brother was chasing me around the apartment unit in Guangzhou, China, and I, being a stupid kid, ran out the front door. I was alone in the city for a few hours... still have nighmares about it. Nightmares about getting kidnapped, which was a fear that my mother instilled in me.

On another incident, I think this is an earlier incident. I remember being tied up with zipties when there were no one home, I was just alone with my abusive brother and I think I cried until my parents came home.

I don't remember what happened, I think a plausible explanation is I played with his toys and that "provoked" him. (He's 5 years older than me for context)

Later on, when we came to America, I think my brain suppressed that memory, since I was no longer in Guangzhou and that probably made it easier to disassociate and forget about it, at least temporarily. I don't remember ruminating on that memory like the next few years? So I kinda had a frienemy relationship with my brother for the next few years, sometimes I play with him, we'd talk as if we were friends, but sometimes he become the abuser... but remember, my brain likely didn't want to recall that traumatic memory. It always was there, but it decided to not recall it.

But there would be random bursts of fighting. The only thing that calmed him down was the fact that we're immigrants and mom told him that there would be trouble if the American authorities got involved.

When I didn't have afterschool programs, my mom would make him pick me up from school, which we then sometimes talked a bit like how brotherhood is supposed to be like...

but that memory is just contrasted with him arguing with my mom about this "chore" of having to pick me up from school.

So anyways... flashforward. Philly... 2014-2019... forgot when... police got involved for an altercation, but there was no report since mom asked them to keep our names off of it and the officer kinda just didn't wanna deal with it so it was wiped under the rug...

So he got Citizenship with a clean record...

I mean imagine how funny it'd be if dude got deported and then I, having derived citizenship from mom, is immune from it? Lmao (don't feel bad for him, he's a racist btw)

So anyways... I think its after that incident... things just completely fell apart. No longer just "frienemies" but now its completely hostile. Like Cold War... Cuban missile crisis type of shit... or I guess its more like Sino-Soviet Split (cuz they share the same continent like we share the same home, get it?)

So I think after each altercation, my brain started to think about those memories more and more. By now I've relived that memory I talked about in Guangzhou like 1000 times already... I fucking wake up in a panic...

...

I think the best option is ignore and not provoke.

Have pepper spray ready.

Or, if you have a safe, get guns and ammunition.

Move out if possible. (Not a possibility for me, sadly, too depressed)

If your parents have assets, make sure you live long enough to claim your share. Or maybe sue over the their abusive behavier during probate.

Meanwhile, listen to some music to calm your mood.

You are not alone, remember that.

Going to have to tell people what country you live in so they can help you because one countries laws and services are not the same as another.

"No, you are not the most important one, so could you please remain silent and sit down in that corner over there."

Greet him with this sentence every day when you first meet him. Preferably before he says anything.

But after that, do not give him any more mean words. Be the nicest kindest person you can imagine - overdoing it of course, but staying in that attitude.

How do you feel about the doctrine, "I'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped in here with me"?

You might have to kill the fucker. It doesn't sound like he's fixable.

Check the civil service rules in your area. In many places the civil service is actively looking to hire people who aren't 'mainstream.'

Once you get a good job you can move out.