9
Help: I made a mistake! (lemmings.world)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by StupidIdiot@lemmings.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

Hi, so I am (18F). My boyfriend is obviously (17M). So, a few days ago, we exchanged messages, which looked like this:

Hey, So, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but can you not text, call, or hang out much anymore (like only hang out at restaurants)? I just don't like it. Again, I am real sorry to hurt you, I just don't really like communicating via telephone or hanging out. I am very introverted. Thanks <3

He responded with: "Don't worry! You're not hurting my feelings!! I will definitely talk less on the phone if that's what you want and talk more in-person."

I said "That's perfect <3 OK"

And all he sent yesterday was "Hi!" and not much else and I told him I couldn't talk so he stopped messaging altogether except for "hi, have a great day" or even just "Hi".

top 10 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] sabreW4K3@lazysoci.al 16 points 2 days ago

If you don't like him, don't enjoy interacting with him and don't wanna see him, dump him.

[-] atheqtpie 11 points 2 days ago

She has also posted many times about playing video games instead of talking to him and not even thinking about him.

[-] hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 11 points 2 days ago

And what's the mistake? Seems he does what you asked him to do?!

[-] StupidIdiot@lemmings.world 2 points 2 days ago

I miss talking to him but don't really wanna talk... Especially not via phone.

[-] hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

So you're saying you have contradictory feelings? You want to talk? But you also don't want to talk?

I mean that obviously won't work, these are opposites. So you can have only one of the options. But I think more often than not, the right course of action is to think hard about why you feel that way. And what you really want... And try to communicate that to your partner. I mean having feelings isn't a mistake. You can tell them I wasn't in the mood yesterday, but I'm now. Or I wish I were, but never actually like it... Or ask them how they feel and what they like... Just try not to confuse everyone.

...If it's just the phone, or you avoid talking about a certain subject, you'd obviously need to address that instead.

[-] StupidIdiot@lemmings.world 1 points 2 days ago

I just don't like talking on the phone or texting. I often ask them what they like, but to be honest, I just care if they like what I like not what they like, even though I might like it a little. I always wanna do what I want.

[-] hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I don't get it. So you despise talking to him on the phone but love talking to him in person and wish you'd do more of that? What's so special about the phone? And what's stopping you from focusing on that?

[-] SonofaBixcuit@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 days ago

This feels like a breakup message but very beating-around-the-bush...

[-] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 5 points 2 days ago

Seriously. If I got this message I would assume she didn't want to be with me anymore. What I don't get is that she got exactly what she asked for, and is complaining about getting what she specifically requested.

[-] StupidIdiot@lemmings.world 2 points 2 days ago

My boyfriend, by the way, turns 18 in November and I turn 19 on the 30th.

this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2025
9 points (100.0% liked)

Relationship Advice

3365 readers
33 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS