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[-] MBM@lemmings.world 3 points 1 day ago

Ah yes, Homestuck

[-] Bosht@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

My opinion on this is the same it would be with any cis het relationship: toxic bullshit happens from all ends of the relationship spectrum, as do drama seekers. If someone started talking like this to me like it was just normal I'd rid flag tf out of it and steer clear. Your life should not resemble reality TV. That shit is exhausting.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

That's a fairly busy poly life but not weird. Totally cool to not want to be involved in it but that doesn't read as toxic to me assuming everyone knows where they stand, well until the drama panel, but I've seen plenty of monogamous relationships have similar levels of drama

[-] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 108 points 3 days ago

Poly relationships just sound exhausting.

[-] Lumisal@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Open ones like the fox does I imagine are.

Closed ones are much simpler. It's like monogamy but with 2 or 3 more people.

[-] ameancow@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

It’s like monogamy but with 2 or 3 more people.

Yeah, that still sounds exhausting.

I guess people just don't put much effort into relationships anymore so it's easier?

[-] Lumisal@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I mean, in my opinion a loving relationship of any kind shouldn't be tiring, whether it's monogamous or not. The way you're putting it, it sounds like the effort you put into your monogamous relationships is tiring to you, hence why you see more people in one being even more tiring. I don't exactly feel like I'm "trying" to make my partners happy - I'm just happy to make them happy. It doesn't drain me to love my partners, and I'm not sure it would drain anyone, monogamy or not. If it does, perhaps you might want to consider some introspection.

[-] ameancow@lemmy.world 2 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

Let me know when you're done grandstanding with unhinged, delusional narratives. You sound like a 17 year old who had his first girlfriend and suddenly feels like the most important and righteous person in the world.

It's weird how defensive poly people get when others express their disinterest in complicating their lives.

[-] Lumisal@lemmy.world 1 points 21 hours ago

I've been in monogamous relationships too. Was monogamous most of my life. They didn't feel tiring either. I'm probably older than you if anything, and none of my relationships have ever felt tiring but one - and that was the worst one I ever had, because they were not a mentally healthy person at the time. It was not a healthy (monogamous) relationship, and that's why I said if your relationship is feeling tiring, perhaps you should have some introspection.

I was never trying to convince you of being poly, because it's not something you really choose as much as you are born like; you're the one who assumed something about it and felt the need to comment on it. My only guess is that such assumption comes from your own experiences.

[-] SoleInvictus 2 points 2 days ago

That's how I used to roll. A close relationship with any person comes with a certain amount of inherent drama. Adding more people increases that drama, typically somewhat linearly, but it can be exponentially if everyone is involved with each other. Closed is much more predictable. Someone like me can't handle open, I'm not emotionally resilient enough.

[-] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 27 points 2 days ago

I couldn't imagine juggling multiple relationships, let alone one.

[-] showmeyourkizinti@startrek.website 2 points 21 hours ago

Too much work. If I want to disappoint a lot of people I’ll just go to a family reunion.

[-] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 2 points 21 hours ago

Are we in Alabama?

[-] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 days ago

In my experience, which is limited, it's not as hard in practice. Especially if you're just involved in the relationship and not trying to actively coordinate it, you just kinda do whatever as time allows.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Yeah I've been poly for the better part of a decade and yeah there are those people, and you hear about what's going on with them a lot because there's always so much going on. Meanwhile there are plenty of us who are generally in stable situations though we may have occasional flings when the mood and energy strike.

[-] smh@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 days ago

Mine's fine. My partner is also dating someone else and that person is awesome. Sometimes my partner is gone for a weekend, which means I get the whole condo to myself, can take up the whole dining table with my hobby mess, and can order delivery food that would give him heartburn (instead of ordering from someplace he can also order from).

Sometimes his girlfriend visits us, which is a great impetus to clean the condo. She's also a great cook ☺️

[-] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

It can be, but shared calendars make things soooooo much easier

[-] spittingimage@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Imagine having multiple people texting you to pick up some milk on the way home.

[-] Maven@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 days ago

Honestly, the biggest thing is open communication and planning.

[-] twice_hatch@midwest.social 28 points 2 days ago
[-] Maven@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 days ago

Do you not... already openly communicate and plan things with your partner????

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 points 2 days ago

One partner. Not 7.

[-] lath@piefed.social 4 points 2 days ago

In this scenario, you only communicate with one other person, while the other person communicates with several others. Maintaining this kind of relationship sounds exhausting.

[-] sunshine@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 days ago

it's a lot of work!

[-] chocosoldier 3 points 2 days ago

having been in a poly relationship, and also having an irl friend who actually does this kind of jargon-laden infodumping about her relationship(s), i feel qualified to say that they're both exhausting but the latter is far more so. like fuck man nobody wants a crash course on an entire arcane vocabulary just to understand the myriad nuances of this particular three months of your dating life, you just aren't that interesting.

[-] SmoothOperator@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

I can definitely see it being more exciting than exhausting, but to each their own.

[-] Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 33 points 2 days ago

I'd love to listen to all that yapping. Not into poly stuff just sounds interesting on a relationship dynamics level. Keep doing whatever you're into and also maybe send me like a weekly digest

[-] noughtnaut@lemmy.world 34 points 2 days ago

Honestly, that's a caricature. Of course that is utterly overwhelming.

Most poly is nowhere near that, but just a person dating a person who also happens to be dating another person. End of story. The "quad dates" are ludicrous, and the foxy cat(?)'s explanation shows she's way too involved in relationship that don't, uh, involve her. Back off, be happier.

[-] fushuan 18 points 2 days ago

In their defense, they don't sell unhappy about their situation. Let them enjoy their super involved polycule drama that I agree is probably nowhere near reality.

Some people thrive in drama.

[-] Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world 47 points 2 days ago

This reminds me of a reddit post I participated in years ago where women were discussing what they love about their partners and it all boiled down to just "don't be mean and communicate"

[-] luciferofastora@feddit.org 5 points 2 days ago

My last GF and I, we've been through a ton of shit. We've yelled, we've argued, we talked, then hugged and made up again. I haven't always been the best partner, and I could probably point to times when she was unfair too, but we must have done something right for that relationship to last ten years.

As of a few months ago, she's my wife. We've already had our first married argument, though I don't think we really marked the occasion, because it wasn't a big deal at the end of the day. You know what helps a lot with marital spats?

Years of practice in communicating.

[-] jollyrogue@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 days ago

That sounds like a milestone. Pop some champagne and go on a date. 😄

[-] luciferofastora@feddit.org 2 points 2 days ago

Oh we just got back from our honeymoon, plenty of dates were had ;-)

[-] AntiBullyRanger@ani.social 16 points 2 days ago

Chesca is the weird cat. Cats are polyeros and promiscuous.
However, her foxy friend is really queer.

[-] don@lemmy.ca 11 points 2 days ago

Hi, Google? Gonna need to borrow your quantum computers. Yeah, all of ‘em, and put in massively parallel processing configuration. Correct, I’m making a supercomputer out of your quantum computers. Hasn’t been done before? Welp, first time for everything. What’s it for?

I need the quantum supercomputer to figure that out.

[-] chocosoldier 3 points 2 days ago

everyone in here pretending to have never had this conversation is probably the fox and doesn't realize it. i'm a fucking hermit and somehow i have this conversation irl like once a year, no way have y'all more social type queers not encountered this.

this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2025
389 points (100.0% liked)

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