When my wife and I had our first baby, my wife suffered from postpartum depression. A counselor was visiting our home and went through a questionnaire with her. Like statements 'I am able to laugh and enjoy things', and 'I look forward with enjoyment to things' - she had to rate how strongly she agreed with each. She didn't agree with much at the time (luckily only lasted a month or two). My mom was visiting at the time and could apparently overhear this. Afterward my mom commented to me 'even I knew the right answers to those questions'. It hit me then that her generation were just as fucked up but the mentality for them was to just fake it and never admit any problems. The 'correct' answer was always to sound like everything was fine.

I remember going to a mandatory counselling session at Uni as they were having a big push to be seen as pro mental health.

And she asked me sonething like "Do you think [university]'s mental health policies have had a positive impact on your wellbeing?"

And i said "no, it all feels very forced and like the university only wants it to appear like its taking steps to address mental health issues and things like these mandatory counselling sessions actually make me feel worse since it boths puts thst fakeness front and center and takes away my autonomy when it comes to how i address my mental health"

And she just stops for a long moment, looks at me in the eyes with a slight panic before putting on a forced smile snd saying "okay im just going to put down that you said yes so we can continue :)"

I feel fortunate every day that I had loving parents. I remember how fucked up some of my friends' parents were, and I hear horror stories every day about my wife's (mostly her mother). I've seen her weep over how she always had to walk on eggshells around a mom who never said she loved her, and never had a single kind word to say about her or anyone else, but then turn around and do everything in her power to make sure that our daughter (5) does not have that same experience. She doesn't pay that trauma forward, and I respect it. So many parents for so many generations just paid that shit forward.

This post hit at the right time when I was thinking about all the stupid shit my parents did to me

this is how it feels...

Actually, no, it doesn't.