While I am laid back, want food that I can't have and eat rodents, he likes going out when it's warm outside like some kind of weirdo.

Constantly looking for trouble, doesn't listen to authority, sleeps wherever he wants, 10/10 snuggler.

Checks out.

I mean, have you met most people? I hate them, too!

... I don't even have a cat...

Not sure where to take that.

If you have two cats, that's a sign of split personality?

What if you adopt your cat at 9 years old? I can’t be blamed for her abnormalities.

Shit in a sandbox? Yeah that tracks...