I'm sorry you're going through that. Since we're sharing... A few years ago, I (amab) started feeling really uncomfortable being called a "man" and especially the honorific "sir", so I adopted the nonbinary label in online communities to avoid any kind of gendering. But it wasn't enough, and almost a year after that I learned makeup techniques and bought some fem clothes at a thrift store, and things kept going in that direction without any attempt on my part to hide it.

I'm not sure I understand the truly genderless perspective of people I've known, but the desire to remove cisgendered attributes from one's self is the part that resonates with me. My facial hair, my voice, and my height are all nasty reminders. I boymode when explicitly asked to (like by my partner, who is the same as me) but I don't think I could tolerate a setting or organization trying to make me present as cis-het. I'm basically fem every day in a town that has some trouble respecting that, but I'm also attending a college where this is fairly normal.