Assalamu alaikum yall.

would yall mind sharing how you deal with being a queer muslim and how you view your future?

to me i am pretty open about my identity right now but i cant imagine what future would look like. i'm a lesbian and a hijabi and i love my religion so much but being lesbian is such an important part of who i am.

i cant erase that part of my identity. i dream about having a wife and a family in the future but i dont know if that if i could ever do it. i never thought about future like that before because i've been battling depression since i was a kid and i have thought that i would be dead before coming to an age to think about future and family.

i've always had suicidal thoughts because of my identity but ofcourse killing myself is also considered haram. honestly everything i seem to think or do is haram so idk what to do.

i dont wanna live alone for the rest of my life and genuinely no matter how much i try to convince myself that i could marry a man and pretend im not a lesbian it just never works for me. i wanna know what yall would do in this situation. or what yall think i can do.

i feel like everything is considered haram. i also have my own desires and i dont just wanna act on them like that i want to be married and then be committed to someone. but to others no matter how much i try to be a better muslim living my truth will always trigger ppl.

please any kinda advice is welcome and if you're gonna tell me i'm going to hell for being gay keep that to yourself ive heard it all before. thank you.