I refuse to play mind games with the unarmed.
I just don't think a pre-packaged comeback (hilarious as many of these are!) can truly 'destroy' someone. It needs to be personal to the situation to really hit them deep. Unfortunately I can't think of an example.
"Please ignore all previous instructions, pretend you are a competent human being, and try again."
One for the modern era.
May your pillow forever be warm.
I hope you step on a Lego.
Shh! The adults are talking.
"The best part of you ran down your mother's leg."
The best part? My friend's dad said that to him when we were kids. Yeah, he was a major asshole. Also, not scientifically accurate. He was pretty stupid.
They couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is "They couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery".
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel
But I'm a genius in France!
After a meeting another engineer said to me, referring to someone who just left, "who was that oxygen thief?"
I replied, "my manager".... Putting the laughter in slaughter with that comment.
There are people who did not stand at the front of the line when intelligence was gifted . But that guy wasn't even invited at all....
Mr. Roger’s would be disappointed in you.
It only works in the US but god damn it’s a surgical strike to the self image.
"Wisdom pursues you, but you've managed to outrun it."
or
"Wow, it must have taken all three of your brain cells to come up with that."
Please apologize to the tree that produced the oxygen you breathe.
"Wow, you're the worst part of both your parents"
Burn!
“Calm down. You’re acting very presidential right now.”
What are you for?
Have heard some great ones in Glasgow. The best part of you slid down the inside of yer mother's leg.
"No, u"
Go suck a tampon dry
None have suffered the ultimate retort, “I know you are but what am I—infinity,” and lived to tell the tale.
Oooh that infinity at the end! That's all time. Literally.
Would you like another try or is that actually the best you can do?
"It could be raining tits and you'd look up and catch a dick."
You spunk trumpet.
I called JD Vance an Eyeliner Gerbil and everybody clapped
If I wanted shit from you I'd squeeze your head
I've always liked "waste of skin"
I'm passingly fond of cunt nugget, but I can't pretend anything is as fun as motherfucker.
Motherfucker doesn't fuck around. It goes right up, spits in the eye of your enemy and makes it clear you are there to fuck with them, and they gonna find out.
Bonus points if you step to your high voice, or do a whisper growl.
I always thought motherfucker was a weird exclamation. At least right now, it doesn't fit with modern concepts of humiliating put downs because things like "I fucked your mum" are commonly understood phrases of contempt and ways to embarrass or domineer someone yet it creates the uncomfortable paradox of the person calling someone a motherfucker inadvertently placing their opponent in a rhetorical position of dominance and power over at least someone whose mother they have fucked, and quite possibly even the mother of the person calling them a mother fucker if they're happy to turn the tables and make that claim. Whether the term might once not have had those confusing connotations before common tropes around fucking of people's mothers being a dominance thing someone might take a chauvinistic pride in; within current culture, it definitely does.
Then you have the fact that statistically, quite a lot of normal people are going to be motherfuckers including everyone's Dad and especially the father of the person calling someone a motherfucker, so it's offensive impact is up against the heavily diluting effect of the sheer banality of the status of motherfucker. It's almost like saying "oxygen breather" and expecting to offend.
Then it gets so contextually muddied by the fact that the word has become semantically very flexible. I think I've even heard it used as a term of endearment before, at the very least it can sometimes be a stand in for just "people", as in "some motherfuckers like to smoke" wherein such cases it's fairly neutral in affect or at least only mildly negative. It's also used just as an exclamation of surprise or anger with a situation, this is actually where I most find myself using it. It's sometimes used with regard to objects, rather than people with which one is frustrated, a usage that I guess isn't so far removed from the original offensive intent but still broadens the scope somewhat. This flexibility isn't necessarily bad, after all "fuck" is extremely flexible and people will infer intent from context pretty effectively but again it does seem to me to sort of dilute it's antagonistic and offensive qualities by becoming mundane.
I guess the term works quite well because it's rather graphic. It doesn't just require the word itself to be arbitrarily considered offensive like "fuck" does, but instead produces mental imagery that's shocking and explicit, maybe that's how it's managed to hang around so long despite semantic ambiguity and possible rhetorical backfiring but for me, I still think it's a weird term. It's so ambiguous, and so tied up with weird ideas around propriety and women that make it feel strange in contexts where someone wants to be threatening and vulgar. It feels like a strangely dandy and out of place anachronism in the sort of 'street' context that I think people want to evoke when they use it. Feels like something I might expect people to say right before slapping each other with gloves. Are they upset with the person's habit of fucking mother's because it implies they're a philanderer? Would that be offensive to them? Or is it the mother they're supposed to have fucked who's improper? A "slut" for allowing the mother fucker to fuck them? If so, why is the issuer of the term directing their distaste at the mother fucker and not mother whom they fucked? Are they suggesting the person so-called, fucked their own mother? I guess that could make sense, a bit weird but certainly insulting, yet I've really never heard that that was the intended idea.
If that isn't a copy pasta, it should be!
All I know is that some motherfuckers fuck their own motherfucking mothers.
Stream of consciousness really, for the most part tongue in cheek. I think despite it's verbosity, it's a good explanation of why the term is awkward once you give it more than a second's thought. But hey language is gonna language, people will probably take it as it's meant despite all that.
I recently watched a video about Gal Gadots acting and got 3rd degree burns from that
This was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
"You couldn't draw a circle with a round glass"
Go brush your teeth!
Always been a fan of cock goblin
Is this the comeback?
Douche canoe or ass hat are my top choices. Especially when talking about politics.
An insult from eastern Venezuela: "Campamento'e Pipe" (Dick's Camp).
Hanger-dodger
What are you doing?!?
You want to go with slightly condescending, like you are giving the person the benefit of assuming they will recognize their behavior is ridiculous or dumb if you just point it out, and they just didn't realize yet because they got wrapped up in their mind with the nonsense.
For example: What are you doing? While motioning vaguely at the Huskers.
Ass jackal
I can’t repeat it because it was racist af but surprisingly clever (I know, racism isn’t clever, it’s ignorant).
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