Given the conservative drift of major institutions over the past year or so whoever they pick for the new Pope is probably less likely to excommunicate him
We’ll see how it goes but Francis chose a supermajority of the current Cardinals. With the exception of Cardinal Pizzaballa, I don’t know any of their names, much less their views.
Cardinal Pizzaballa
That cannot be his real name.
Looks it up
Huh, TIL.
Because he's evil. And the pope publicly gave him a lecture. Made him look smaller than he already did.
I don't know the why but the first thing I said when I found out was "Polonium".
He thought it was the seat of Catholic power and was driven to a frenzy.
The Pope cried out “take me JC!”
Unfortunately his right hand man is a bit hard of hearing, and let JD into the room…
killed him to further the prophecy that this is the end times.
JD got over excited by how the pontiff choose to couch his words.
JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.
I asked ChatGPT to explain why JD Vance would kill the pope and it cited articles at me to tell me that JD Vance did not, in fact, kill the pope. I even tried to get it to doubt itself and it doubled down. If I have to live in slop world, I should at least be able to have fun with it :(
The flu of America*
Tap for spoiler
*Formerly known as influenza or Spanish Flu.
He spoke Spanish
Homie has a problem with decency and people following the word of Jesus, despite publicly saying he is a Christian.
not just christian. catholic.
in any other age, any other pope, he'd have been excommunicated and maybe put to the auto de fe.
Because he didn't say "thank you" clearly
Fancy papal couches that were unfuckable.
Everyone here seems to be in on something that I've missed.
Edit: I read a reuters article, I see he met with JD yesterday.
Couldn't hear the safe word through the ball gag.
Jealousy.
So a conclave power struggle is set off behind the scenes to try to install Cardinal Burke so that they have one less institution to get in the way
What's a Nazi's favorite color smoke?
White smoke.
(For all y'all non Catholics, the vatican has white smoke to signal when they elect a new pope...and ya know...JD Vance is a nazi.)
Being anywhere in Trump's orbit speeds up your trajectory towards death like Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Donald Trump is, essentially, a biological version of "The Machine" from The Princess Bride pushed to 50.
Since the pope was only secondarily contaminated, the process was slower, but he was already so close to death as it is.
The pope told JD that no one in the tRump regime, or any other self-proclaimed christian in the USA was anything near being a christian. Per Matthew 25:40-45
Probably sitting on a couch he found really attractive and got jealous.
It's all that white on white, he kinda looked like a couch. He wasn't trying to kill him, but the old man was frail and looked too much like a cushion.
Truth is, he wasn't trying to. Vance wanted to show off his zombie Jesus costume, but it turned out to be a killer costume!
(I just wanted to throw something in that isn't the same jokes everyone else is making)
The pope's death was God's plan. God is the murderer. (Again)
I don't think anyone thinks it, its just a joke
Well the Pope ghosted JD, so JD obviously ghosted the Pope.
JD Vance had FOXDIE
he threatened to release the video of him and cardinal wuerl spit roasting a luxury couch.
I don't know, but he better have said thanks
Clearly he visited India today to discuss a Hindu Nationalist takeover of America
Butthurt, his hallmark.
The pope wouldn't let him ogle the holy see.
The pope told him he was an aristocrat, not a real mountain man from West Virginia and this truth caused JD to mistake the pope for a couch.
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