it would be nice if the current president's life were (humorously) abolished

Pouring cereal before the milk.

First, I'll abolish your milk
Then, I shall abolish your VIRGINITY

I would like to abolish subscription fees for most items that really shouldn’t have subscription fees. If you bought the item, it should be yours. That’s the point of buying the item.

The stock market.

I would abolish toilets without bidets. You would be legally required to have a bidet in all bathrooms, private and public. Worldwide!

corporate fucking personhood. not that it exists but the friggin false idea that it should and any belief system that lead or may ever lead to it.

Billionaires.

Also, the propagation of the idea that you are poor because of the actions of even poorer people.

Professional sports teams. I'm just sick of hearing people blather on endlessly about them and expecting me to join in.

Bring back gladiators!

Video tutorials without captions/instead of text. I don’t want to watch someone fumble through over 30 minutes what I can skim in 5.

Everyone here being so serious.

Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can't we have just a few adults only places?

No matter what I get some child screaming while I'm trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say "well where are they supposed to go" and my answer is always "literally anywhere else". Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say "well mine are great" which I would say I don't care, but other parents don't care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it's be kids in breweries.

The inconsistency of apostrophe usage in English for possessives and contractions. If it was instead written...

It-s a wonderful day out today, take your phone but turn off it's data so you can soak up the clear blue skies.

It'd be so much fucking easier and my OCD would be satiated.

Ban streaming services from advertising they have something on their platform and when you go to it, you realize you need to pay for an add-on subscription.

Black licorice. Don’t even try to tell me that shit is candy. It tastes like some horrible byproduct of an outdated process for manufacturing tires.

Money in politics.

Dyson hand dryers. Too many dB.

I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.

Conservatism

What good has it fucking done us

News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. "Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it's inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.". So much of corporate media is this, we've nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer "but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased".

Manchester United Football Club

Our modern day concept of ownership.