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Noted philanthropist Donald Trump makes buying stocks affordable to all Americans through kind-hearted economic crash (newsthump.com)

submitted 14 hours ago by merdaverse@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

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“With the near trillion dollar sell-off on the Nasdaq alone earlier yesterday, the rapid devaluing of assets has allowed the American public unparalleled access to cheap stocks and shares on the market.”

Economic spokesman for the White House, Chuck Williams, claimed, “People use words like slump, looming economic depression, lowest recorded IQ of any president ever, as though they’re bad things.

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[-] Geometrinen_Gepardi@sopuli.xyz 20 points 12 hours ago

It's true though, there's a fire sale going on.

[-] grue@lemmy.world 7 points 10 hours ago

There's a falling knife going on, with the floor nowhere near.

[-] Gigameister@lemmy.world 25 points 13 hours ago

i always fall down with laughter when u guys do stuff like this!

Please keep it up!

[-] Ghyste@sh.itjust.works 9 points 12 hours ago

Caught this one right away when they used "philanthropist" and "Trump" in the same sentence, and it wasn't "Trump is not a philanthropist".

[-] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 hours ago

Good to see a bona fide Onion article instead of the ‘we have the Onion at home’ slop every other media outlet has been pushing lately. Brings a tear to the eye.

this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2025

477 points (100.0% liked)

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