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submitted 2 months ago by galactic to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

Someone I know shows stuff such as:

  • constantly needing a scapegoat
  • shifting blame/cannot take accountability
  • exaggerated mindset, often where other people are useless and they are the greatest
  • has to maintain a very positive public image, such as being the absolute best
  • does not have empathy unless it involves them or impacts their image in some way, if their image is supposed to be empathetic they will act so because of their image
  • lacks empathy for people in pain/bad mental health/etc. but their image might be very upset about that
  • will often be very nice to people in any sort of power

I’m asking because I’m genuinely curious if I should help, and maybe that even if they exhibit negative behaviors, they’re not a completely TERRIBLE person despite how they treat me.

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[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago

First, I want to point out how much I HATE when people throw around the term narcissist for any general run of the mill asshole.

That being said, this person sounds like a narcissist.

Reminds me of my mom. And it took me about 30 years to figure that one out! Like you said, "they’re not a completely TERRIBLE person despite how they treat me." It's not easy to give up on someone that you are close to. Especially when, that other person is NOT MENTALLY ABLE to know that they did something wrong. They are shocked that you would overreact in such a way, after all that they've done for you! And they'll remind you of the time YOU messed up, and besides, it wasn't their fault anyway, you misunderstood/ can't take a joke / shouldn't listen to those liars who told you that.

There's no hope here. Only pain. You can never show them the light, if you try to explain how they hurt you, they'll get upset because you're "being so mean to them". And by the end of that conversation, you somehow end up apologizing to them. And wondering how the hell you ended up in this situation AGAIN.

Trying to teach them how to feel regret or guilt is like trying to teach someone paralyzed from the neck down how to walk. They just can't do it, and insisting that they could if they just listened is just going to piss everyone off.

Hope my ramblings helped some. I'm sorry you're in this position.

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

People with NPD have to see they have an issue and want to change. Most never do

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

I'm convinced they are unable to. They don't choose to ignore it, their mind never lets them know.

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Yes, it is only when you realize that people don’t want to engage with you that you realize you might be the problem. Most never realize that.

[-] insomniacalmond 3 points 2 months ago

ME TOO, tbh. Or “bipolar” for anyone who changes their mind a lot. I’m sorry you knew someone like this 🫂

[-] ccunning@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago

Sounds like a perfect personality. Presidential material, even.

[-] insomniacalmond 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Based on what I’ve seen, they sound like they could have narcissistic traits. They do sound a bit spoiled but I think it’s more than that. I’m glad you care besides their mistreatment of you/others

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

They're a narcisistic psychopath. You need to cut that person from your life.

[-] insomniacalmond 4 points 2 months ago

Agreed. This is not normal teenager behavior

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Oh, adults do it too. It's just as bad with them.

[-] insomniacalmond 1 points 2 months ago

This person sounds scary

[-] insomniacalmond 1 points 2 months ago

Makes sense 😓

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I don’t thibk you can call them a psychopath as the onpy thing they are describing is NPD

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

You are literally describing narcissism. If they are incredibly important to you then you can hope they decide to pursue cognitive behavioral therapy but IRL you cannot make them fix this. Behavioral disorders are very hard to confront especially NPD because the person with it rarely sees the issue.

[-] galactic 5 points 2 months ago

nothing they do is ever their fault, and what I do is never good enough for them

[-] galactic 5 points 2 months ago

so this is just like textbook narcissism and not just an asshole?

[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Having a diagnosis doesn't excuse their actions. At best it explains them.

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Im not a shrink but it seems like it. Like I said if it isn't someone you are close to and have to have in your life I would move on.

If this is your actual problem rather than someone else then you need to talk with a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy. That road is long and difficult but you might end up happier after a few years.

[-] galactic 3 points 2 months ago

she’s actually my “close friend” but I don’t consider her that for obvious reasons

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Move on, people on the NPD spectrum don't understand theor problem and you cannot do that for them.

[-] galactic 3 points 2 months ago

yeah, she either apologizes because she “can’t control herself” or blames me

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

The Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.

[-] galactic 3 points 2 months ago

YES. This is how she behaves!!

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Note if they are a teenager they might grow out of this. If you are 30 run for the fucking hills

[-] galactic 3 points 2 months ago

i can be hopeful then, im a teen

[-] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

They could outgrow it but if this is consistent at 19-20 it us unlikely to change but 13-18 yeah it might.

[-] Krudler@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

That's not narcissism, don't take diagnoses from people in comment sections.

This is a severe self-esteem issue that manifests itself as inflated ego.

[-] Tedesche@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

No one can diagnose someone on the internet but the things you list do seem to paint a rough sketch of a narcissist. Thing is, people can have narcissistic traits and still not meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.

But it doesn’t really matter. The person you describe sounds like someone to be avoided, regardless of whether or not they qualify for NPD.

[-] galactic 3 points 2 months ago

yeah, makes sense.

[-] dontkickducks@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

I'd like to link two vids from a youtube channel which depicts neurodivergent behaviour in an accessible way. Note that these most definitely are not check lists or a diagnostic tool

Pixie-gags Sociopathy & Narcism

[-] Stonewyvvern@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

One of my friends acts almost exactly like this.

He is not an awful human being, but he isn't the greatest either.

I've learned that he has to reach conclusions on his own and will seldom accept advice or constructive criticism. Sometimes it takes literal years for him to come to the same reasonable conclusion to a problem that I offered to him.

He is a brat. The culture he came from allows the eldest male in the family to act out however they want because they will become the leader of the family later on. So it's best to let them do what they want in fear of later retaliation.

But seriously...he is an entitled brat. Love the dude, but reality just hits him differently.

[-] Maeve@kbin.earth 2 points 2 months ago

Ffs go look at this poster's history. If this post is about anyone, it's probably themselves.

[-] insomniacalmond 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

They just seem like a young teen who posts advice. Maybe OP’s friend is Trump

[-] AmidFuror@fedia.io 4 points 2 months ago

I don't see where you're getting this. All I see are tons of posts from a (inappropriately for social media) young lesbian who only has lesbian and bi friends who need all kinds of advice.

I'm a little surprised no one questioned why one of the young teen lesbian couples is apparently regularly spending the night together such that snoring is an issue.

[-] insomniacalmond 3 points 2 months ago

I’m not sure if they were regularly spending the night or just sleeping over

this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
56 points (100.0% liked)

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