that patriarchy might ostensibly benefit men – even while poisoning them in a myriad of ways – but it is upheld by all genders, particularly within spaces like romantic partnership

With this quote I was reminded of many retellings of men in hetero relationship who still vividly remembered hurtful moments of being shamed when opening up and being vulnerable.

As the article states I would argue it’s wrong to assume that just one gender is at fault for the status quo, but that it is maintained by multiple actors.

And yes I’ve seen a lot of heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships. Needs can be so diverse and deeply personal that I’d argue while there is possibility to feel safe in following a relationship script we have to dare to explore each other in our uniqueness and thereby also share ourselves authentically and that’s a forever journey.

Thank you for the nice read spaduf! (by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?)

As someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I don't think I can read this without getting triggered.

I think it's important to remember that all women are capable of being victims and perpetrators, and all men are also capable. Abusers have no genders and can occur in non-cis relationships.

A really nice article, but one I feel needs to go a step further.

From experience, and outside really abusive relationships, if a relationship fails there's always blame enough for both parties. I takes two to mess up a tango.

It's worrying that social media is pushing these black and white narratives rather than helping growth.