One time, at a previous job, the security guard walked into the restroom and saw a customer doing this. He threw him out before he had ANY chance to wipe.

I think about that more often than I should and it was over a decade ago.

Look, sometimes the stalls are full and you gotta go.

...So there's no toilet paper near those, right? That's gonna be awkward.

You know, after most of the other problems (but before/during the "why's someone snapping photos in a restroom" one)